Let’s Be Very, Very Careful About Giving Genetically Modified Mosquitoes A “Competitive Advantage”

This seems extremely dangerous: University of Arizona scientists have successfully introduced a gene into mosquitoes that blocks the growth of the malaria parasite. The idea, is then to release the malarial-resistant mosquitoes into the wild, in hopes that they will replace the current strain that infects more than 250 million people a year with the disease, leading to more than a million deaths. “Before we do this, we have to somehow give the mosquitoes a competitive advantage over the disease-carrying insects,” said professor Michael Riehle, a principle investigator on the project, to the BBC. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! How many time do you have to tell these scientists to watch Deep Blue Sea? (And, you know, they’d probably enjoy it. It’s lots of fun!) It’s not enough that we’re going to introduce genetically modified insects into nature, now we need to make them stronger? Here’s a list of ways we SHOULD NOT give these new mosquitoes a competitive advantage:

1) six-inch mandibles
2) fly-swatter-proof exoskeleton
3) shorter gestation period
4) telekinesis
5) ant strength
6) acid-blood
7) human growth hormone
8) hyperdrive
9) the ability to access people’s minds through their dreams (also known as “inception”)
10) laser shields

In fact, how about just making mosquitoes without stingers? I mean, problem solved, right?