New Yorkers Predict: What Will Be This Summer’s ‘Ground Zero Mosque’?

by Myles Tanzer

Last summer’s “Ground Zero Mosque” brouhaha was the most annoying summer controversy of all time. With any luck, New Yorkers won’t have to deal with another nation-wide xenophobic freakout again this summer, but anything is possible! We spoke to a bunch of New Yorkers — both well-known and known to only a few — to try to predict what this summer’s big baloney story would be. Aliens! Scrotums! And more aliens!

● “My prediction for biggest scandal of the summer is that the new section of the High Line is actually a Transformer which will destroy the entire city on July 4th, unless Soho welcome’s back Will Smith’s movie trailer, which coincidentally is actually Optimus Prime.”
— Anthony DeRosa, Reuters API Product Manager and “Undisputed King Of Tumblr”

● “I think the Weiner scandal is going to continue into the summer. There’s going to be a special election and the constituency is going to demand some answers as to why he was doing all of this.”
— Craig, 36, Campus tour manager at The New School

● “I’m thinking it’s one of these three things: problems with our water supply, rent stabilization, or the trains — not the subway. There will be problems with Metro-North. You want to take my picture for this? No way, get out of here!”
— Helen, “You think I’m that young, I have two grandkids!”, Preschool teacher

● “I’ve been up for 50 hours. I can’t think of anything. I don’t even have a TV.”
— Alyssa, 30, Student

● “There’s a looming alien invasion for sure. Also they just found out about the guy who shot Tupac. So maybe there will be more Tupac related news this summer.”
— Will, 22, Freelance designer and illustrator

● “Harold Camping’s scrotum will explode on July 27.”
— Michael Musto, 56, Village Voice columnist

● “I don’t ever read the news. Ever.”
— Vanessa, 28, Nurse practitioner

● “I do think aliens might make an appearance soon. Not like one singular abduction — more like a spaceship. Something will happen this summer that will shake people up. There’s a lot of environmental things going on right now. All of those earthquakes and tornados are going on. Something will happen that is going to force the common man to pay attention. What that is? I just don’t know.”
— Erica, 38, student

Myles Tanzer is rooting for the aliens.