> Princess Marigold, Nazi-Hunter

From Everything Changes, the Awl’s newsletter. Subscribe here.

Once upon a time, there was a young princess called Marigold.

She had golden hair, lived with her family in a castle, and had an unusual favorite hobby:

Princess Marigold was a Nazi-hunter.

It all started the way these things usually do.

On her way to pick berries in the forest one day, Marigold heard the village crier announce that an escaped Nazi officer had been seen lurking around the edges of town. One hundred gold coins were offered for his capture.

She thought little of it and went on her way, swinging her basket as she entered the forest.

The woods around her grew dark and deep as she made her way to her favorite berry patch.

Suddenly, she heard someone singing.

As she rounded the corner of a glen, she saw, sitting next to a stream, the escaped Nazi.

She recognized him by his uniform and his punchable face.

Peering around a tree to get a better look, she accidentally stepped on a fallen branch — CRUNCH.

He wheeled around at the sound, but smiled upon seeing her.

“Just a little girl,” he said. “Little girl, what are you doing here in the woods all on your own?”

She smiled sweetly.

“Hunting Nazis,” she said.

“A little thing like you?” he said, laughing.

As he laughed, Marigold brought out the crossbow she had been carrying underneath her cloak (in case of wolves) and shot him in his stupid Nazi shoulder.

As he wailed and cursed over his wound, she finished the job by knocking him unconscious with her berry basket.

With the help of a passing woodsman, she hog-tied the Nazi and dragged him back to the village to face justice.

Her parents, the queen and king, were proud. They gave her a new crossbow for her next birthday.

Thereafter, whenever a nearby village had reports of a Nazi on the loose, Princess Marigold knew she had an exciting afternoon in front of her.

And she lived happily ever after.


Art by the amazing Matt Lubchansky.


From Everything Changes, the Awl’s newsletter. Subscribe here.