by Emma Whitford
Harrison Schultz and Lorna Shannon are the polyamorous couple behind Sex Ed for Stoners, a free, weekly seminar for the luckless in love, and the lead organizers for Occupy Weed Street, an activist coalition fighting for marijuana legalization in New York City, with weekly BYO-weed meetings, phone calls to Cuomo, and Stealthy Smokeouts. The duo, who are trained pickup artists, insist that pickup is something worth twinkling your fingers about. “When you feel that passion for someone, you should have the skills to go for it, the right way,” Schultz told me.
Last month, I went over to their smoky East Williamsburg apartment to talk polyamory, pickup’s bad rep, and stoner-on-stoner vibes.
Lorna [taking a long hit]: Oh, Star Dog.
Harrison [following suit]: It’s a great strain.
Oh yeah?
H: Marijuana is like wine. It’s nuanced. Like a good sativa might make you more uppity and social, and, you know, a good indica’s nice right before the deed’s about to go down. Or maybe right after it went down, and you need to pass out afterwards. Like, get some couch lock going.
Is that the kind of thing that comes up in a pickup class for stoners?
L: Actually, the thing that we’ve been saying for a while now, is that you really don’t need anything to be good at pickup. You don’t need money, and you don’t need alcohol. Because all you’re doing is going out and striking up conversations with people.
So why does your class have the word stoner right in the title?
L: People don’t know what they fricking want when it comes to their romantic lives. So they go out, they get drunk, they hope something is going to happen, and they go home with a sloppy lay that they can’t even remember the next morning. It’s our belief that marijuana can be a tool for better pickup. Whether it’s for self-reflection, or for actually calming your neuroses before you even go out the door.
H: But New York is the marijuana arrest capital of the world. People are even afraid to mention the fact that they smoke pot in a lot of cases. I’ve looked at data that actually suggests that people who think marijuana should be legalized tend to actually feel more alone in the world.
How are you going to help them?
L: Well, with weed, you’re already a step ahead. When you’re out in a social setting, alcohol sort of boosts the ego, whereas marijuana actually quiets the ego.
And that’s helpful?
L: You’re more your authentic self when you’re high. You’re not as worried about what everyone else is thinking. You’re just talking and enjoying yourself.
H: But pickup’s also about body language. Like when I’m out on the street, I’m looking for a woman who’s looking to get checked out. If we’re both smiling, then it’s almost weird if I don’t approach. And then I start a good conversation. Boom. I don’t just ask questions. You’re a writer? I’ve done some writing too! I throw in a little story. Add some value. And then she asks a question. And then I relate back. Touching should start almost right away. Like with the handshake. I’m Harrison. You linger to see if you get a squeeze back.
How did you guys get into pickup?
H: I’m finishing a PhD in Sociology at the New School for Social Research. So I was learning about sexual fringe cultures, and a friend introduced me to pickup. Then I had a quarter-life crisis, and I was hooked. I started taking lessons.
The concept of pickup has so much baggage. Santa Barbara shooter Eliot Rodgers used misogynist language on the Internet, similar to language used in some online pickup forums. And in November Julien Blanc was denied a UK visa because of his attitude towards women. He called himself a pickup artist. How does this reputation affect your approach?
H: Those people weren’t pickup artists. But we understand that pickup has a really bad rap.
L: When it’s done right, pickup is all about seduction.
And that’s not manipulative?
H: As soon as you start manipulating, it’s not seduction anymore. True seduction is about getting the other person to chase you. It’s never supposed to be the other way around.
L: A friend of ours went on a date with a guy recently, who called himself a pickup artist. We checked out his website, and he had these videos about like, what to do when a woman is ignoring your texts. If you’re using the game properly, you shouldn’t ever be bothering the person who doesn’t text you back.
H: Plus, once you know the rules of true pickup, you can tell when people are trying to manipulate you. It’s social self-defense. The game is pure. It’s just that some of the players are slime balls.
If that’s the case, how do you guys play?
H: If I see a woman I’m attracted to on the street, I’ll just go up to her and start a conversation and see where it goes. It’s a social exercise. Lorna and I aren’t the kind of couple that’s going to lie about wanting to have sex with other people. There are three different kinds of love. You’ve got lust, which is consummated and fulfilled in the moment. It’s temporary. But then you’ve got something that lasts a little bit longer, called limerence. This is that Romeo and Juliet kind of feeling where everything else goes away and you’re really happy, and that always ends in fucking tragedy. It’s a form of insanity. And then there’s this other type of love, this really pure love, which is the idea of partnership. I think everyone needs all three kinds of love.
L: When I met Harrison, I was just coming out of a hetero-normative lifestyle. I’m bisexual, and I’ve always known that. I’ve always been a serial-monogamist with men, and I’ve always cheated on those men with women. So this is the first time I’ve actually had the freedom to express my sexuality to its fullest extent.
Did you get into pickup through Harrison?
L: Absolutely. One morning we were walking down the street looking for a restaurant to have brunch. We had both been checking this girl out. And he asked me, “Do you want me to bust out an approach in front of you?” And I was like, Yeah! So we approached the girl and started talking to her, and Harrison got her number. I got a complete oxytocin rush off of it.
Isn’t pickup traditionally pretty heteronormative? Like, the man approaches the woman?
L: Right. But I wouldn’t be able to advocate for it if I didn’t think it was something that women can also be empowered by.
Are the tactics the same?
L: Lots of people don’t expect women to make the first approach, so you have to be even more confident when you do. I use the same techniques as the guys: Hi. I’m Lorna. I really like your style. Sometimes I go to Barnes and Noble, or an art gallery, just to practice. But lots of women I teach opt for the indirect approach. That means using body language to make yourself more available, more open to being approached. Maybe that first move is just making eye contact.
As a poly couple, do you guys tag-team?
L: Oh yeah. My turn to talk, his turn to talk — we’re good at balancing that without being obvious. He’ll usually go in for the makeout first, and I’ll follow. Once you know that the person you are trying to get with is down with weed, take a toke break. That’s a really good opportunity to get it started. We try to always be prepared.
H: Because stoners are like that. Use it as an excuse to leave wherever you are, get a little closer, and blow a little smoke up each other’s… yeah. You get it.
Material for your next lesson?
H: Let’s put it this way: At the first class, a lot of the people were still mumbling with their hands in front of their mouths. We spent most of the time talking about the importance of good posture. Baby steps.
What’s your ultimate goal with these classes?
L: We want to open up a new angle for pickup. Where you can approach this whether you’re trans, or poly, or looking for a threesome, or looking for a one-night stand.
H: Because when you’re getting laid on a regular basis, you have different chemicals running through your brain. Certain things don’t bother you as much. Everyone deserves that. It’s its own high.
The next Sex Ed for Stoners class will take place on January 6th at 5:00 p.m. at 60 Wall Street.
