Ways That Steve Buscemi Could Die In Future Coen Brothers Movies, Ranked
A listicle without commentary
36. Spun around in industrial washing machine
35. Dropped into frozen lake in underpants
34. Chopped to bits by Weed-Whacker
33. Heart attack (erotic)
32. Pushed off bridge into waterfall
31. Eaten alive by John Goodman
30. Tommy gun explodes in hands
29. Redwood tree falls on him just as he is about to kill John Turturro
28. Slips on banana peel and falls down elevator shaft
27. Drives old-timey car into fireworks factory
26. Impaled upon Rotisserie stick and slow-cooked over open flame
25. Devoured (off-camera) by titular bear
24. Plummets over cliff in Model T
23. Albert Finney cuts brakes on recumbent bicycle
22. Trampled by stampede of mysterious deer
21. Body fed through 1920s mail-sorting machine
20. Executed in forest to soundtrack of traditional Scottish folk opera
19. Bordello conflagration
18. Eviscerated by thousands of army ants
17. Shot by cuckolded man wearing eyepatch
16. Heart attack (steakhouse)
15. Dance floor collapse at juke joint
14. Tied to train tracks by Jennifer Jason Leigh
13. Pushed out of hot air balloon
12. Stabbed by door-to-door Bible salesman
11. Jump rope strangulation
10. Decapitated in toy store (1957)
9. Drowned in baptismal font by Josh Brolin
8. Ill-fated confrontation with vengeful stenographer
7. Abandoned by lover after stepping in bear trap during quest for Mexican treasure
6. Mishap at honkytonk
5. Double-crossed by Evangelical hitman
4. Landmine explosion (Enid, Oklahoma)
3. Tied to top of Toyota Tercel and repeatedly run through car wash
2. Old age, surrounded by loved ones
1. Forced to swallow military grenade by Tim Blake Nelson
Jason O. Gilbert is a humor writer in Brooklyn, NY with this Twitter account.
