Yet Another Beard Destroying England

The reviews are in for BBC2 “Newsnight” host Jeremy Paxman after the reader returned from “summer hols” or whatever those weirdos call it with a frisky white beard. The Paxman has no real U.S. equivalent: he’s basically like if you multiplied Brian Williams by Oprah but subtracted Katie Couric.

The presenter’s facial hair divided commentators with some saying he looked like a hostage filming a video plea, while others likened him to a “rubbish Doctor Who.”

A number of people are also concerned that every hipster in Shoreditch is shaving his beard at the moment. In response, Paxy issued this statement that, in America, would have gotten him fired or possibly imprisoned in Guantanamo but in England was met with titters and of course drunkenness. Naturally, punters everywhere are now incensed though that he apparently spelled “pogonophobic” incorrectly.

Jeremy Paxman has issued this statement after Twitter went into meltdown when his beard made its Newsnight debut pic.twitter.com/xruDncID0N

— BBC Newsnight (@BBCNewsnight) August 13, 2013