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101 Shit Awful Responses to “How Are You?”
4 min readApr 2, 2025
Make life interesting and just a little awkward…
Here are 101 absolutely terrible, unsuspecting and god-awful responses to the ultimate bland question.
- Duck!
- Who’s asking?
- Floating through reality like a confused balloon.
- I have no complaints that you can fix.
- Feeling like John fucking Cena.
- Running on momentum and vibes.
- My bank account and my mood are both questionable.
- Still here, against all odds.
- I am an abstract thought given flesh.
- Haven’t combusted yet.
- The universe and I are currently not on speaking terms.
- Meh.
- “Fine — but since you asked… my wife left me for the Swedish neighbor called Inga who looks like a ten on a bad day. She took my dog, Drew, my only real friend. The cat sided with them too but fuck Pussy, right? I lost my job because ‘crying in the break room for six hours straight’ isn’t considered productive. My landlord, an ABBA fan, saw me pleading with the missus in the front yard to not go and decided it was a great time to raise the rent. My car broke down on the way to the unemployment office, and when I called for…