The Bad Influence
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The Bad Influence

Becoming Certifiable — A Journey Off a Cliff Into the Land of Certification

Just a few more steps and they’ll be a scrum master
“Hello name, I will be your instructor for course name today. No, I’m not reading a script, why would you say that?”
“Ah yes. I definitely understood all those to be words. Now have you been independently verified?”

Where it all falls apart

Let’s take a step back and look at one of the greatest scams in recent history. Imagine you’re a big company with an interesting name. Let’s call it “HAL”. Totally fictional place and not just one letter off from a real company. Now imagine you create this big suite of products that do a whole array of different things, many of which compete with each other. Now you have a problem. There’s a lot of shit there to figure out how to set up, configure and make happy so it can do all the stuff your sales staff promised to potential customers. Also you only have like 4 people on your sales team and want other people to help you sell it. You need to get all this stuff into the hands of the masses but you’re trying to convince this army of tech unsavvy people they need this shit and to top it off, there are only a handful of people that know how to use your service. Now being the evil genius you are, you decide to turn this problem into an opportunity and create a “Partner Program”. What this means is that you now get other businesses to help you sell your shit and in exchange, they get to take on the headache of setting it all up for customers while you reap the rewards. Oh and don’t forget the best part. They have to pay to be partners.

Thanks “partner”

So what do now?

We know. We’ve spent a few paragraphs complaining about the absurdity of certification but that doesn’t change the fact that your job still wants you to have them. Here’s our advice to you. If work wants you to get them, make work pay for them. If work forces you to get the certification, they should at least have to pay for it. If a job you already have is telling you to get a certification but says they won’t pay for it, calmly ask them, “how will this certification change my ability to do the job I was hired to do?” Then look for a new job. If you’re just getting started out, no amount of certificates will replace experience. But a great place to start would be the most strategic of certificates on the market today. The Minimally Useful Certified Universal Strategist Certification found here. Go get ‘em sport.



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Doing more by doing less. Creators of the MVP+1 methodology of office survival.