SATIRE | HUMOR | KEANUVERSE
How I Became a Successful Niche Writer Writing About Keanu’s Dick
The Keanuverse is a powerful force
I didn’t set out to become the top writer in the Keanuverse. It just happened. One day I was a humble writer describing the fag end of future generations fucked by the political system and the next minute…
The next minute I got a glimpse of the greatest todger on the planet.
My life changed that day. It was even better than John Cusack retweeting my tweet. I mean, John Cusack is a fucking legend and I’m a huge fan ever since ‘The Sure Thing’ (I’m sorry, but Sixteen Candles is a fucking joke), but he’s never showed me his weener. Not like Keanu has.
Truth is, neither did Keanu. I stole a glance. Copped a look as he peed beside me at a urinal. I was so shocked but what I saw, I immediately fainted. I awoke to the warm embrace of Keanu cradling my head. He was the perfect gentleman. I never forgot the incident, but I never broadcast what had occurred that hot July day. The…
