MUSIC
I Reconstructed A Classic Album by Finding the Worst Possible Versions
Michael Jackson — Thriller
Okay, I’m a little bored today, so this is what I did. I reconstructed a classic album by finding the worst possible versions of each song I could find on the net. Truly horrible, nasty, spectacularly bad versions of the entire album.
The album I chose was Michael Jackson’s Thriller.
The rules. They simply had to be bad. Even if that meant a terrible recording where you could barely make out the music counts as bad.
Here are the results:
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’
It’s kinda cute at first, suckering you into a gentle rhythm of cymbals but you soon realize the drum machine won’t stop until it starts somethin’. What it’s startin’ will leave you wondering what’s happened to your life and how did you end up here listening to crap like this.
Baby Be Mine
Ladies and gentlemen, I present, DRalton. You can tell he’s serious by the way he has his eyes shut throughout the entire performance.
The Girl Is Mine
Any tune covered by these annoying Chipmunks will make a top ten worst list. I’ve been subjected to their squeaks ever since my children appeared…and I’ve loathed every squealing minute.
Thriller
Does this count? An Indian version of Thriller sung in Hindi. It’s actually reasonably good. Indian dance moves. Head wobbling singing. Crackly audio.
Beat It
Honestly, I didn’t think I would find anything worse than the Chipmunks…but here we are…cats. Fucking cats! Cats! I mean, what the fuck? These cats are meowing their way through MJ’s finest and it ain’t purrfect.
Billie Jean
I’m now in a wormhole that has led to an alternative reality where animals have taken over making really bad versions of popular music. Kill me now.
Human Nature
Seriously, if you weren’t scared before…
P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
I’m not even sure what I’ve just watched. Costume changes. Music interludes. Is this even the right tune? “Fuck yea,” says Jacob.
The Lady In My Life
Oh god… there are two of them. I want to die…
Fuck. Let’s put this one out as a challenge. Can you even make it through an entire album without wanting to smash your head against a wall and tear out your ear-drums? Pick any classic (well-known) album and find the worst covers.
Show us what you’ve got: Rob Janicke, Chris Hedges, Marla Bishop, Melissa R. Mendelson, Joe Duncan, Marilyn Flower, JM Miana, Jonica Bradley, Robert Cormack, Robert Turner, and Roz Warren and Ryan Fan
Pass on the challenge if you dare.
