KEANU REEVES | KEANU REEVES
I Saw the Penis of Keanu Reeves
And it made me faint
I once met Keanu Reeves in a toilet. It was Saturday. I had spent a humid afternoon chasing cats around Times Square as part of the Anti-Abolish-Pussy Hunt. There were too many felines and action was needed. It was hard work. Several cats had been shaved incorrectly and resembled puckering newborns squirming for love. The why’s matter little. All that counted was me, in the right place, meeting Keanu.
I saw it. As I stood at the urinal I couldn’t help but peek. I saw the whole nine yards. The full member. The uncut version. Keanu’s pecker. I wanted to rub my eyes in disbelief but that meant getting an unpleasant infection in my eyes. There was no way I would have been able to shoot straight and rub my eyeball at the same time. I’m not that gifted. Peeing standing up required a certain amount of concentration and I had already blown my focus glimpsing Keanu’s package.
My arc of spray was running dry and I hadn’t seen enough. I needed more. I could feel my panic rising. A wave of nausea crept over me and my entire complexion turned an ugly grey. I was about to faint, dick in hand, next to Keanu Reeves.
“Hey man.”
