Essay Contest
Some Notes on Being Poor
Incite Change Essay Contest #1: Poverty
There are things like
getting free health care
which is a good thing,
you’d think,
except the only reason I have it
is because I’m poor enough to qualify.
So there’s the yearly sit-in
for that healthcare, sitting
in hard, molded plastic chairs
waiting to please my case
I’m still poor enough this year, too.
On the one hand, being humiliated,
on the other being so fucking relieved.
There’s taking out that silver SNAP card
at the grocery store every week,
sliding it through the machine and praying
even though I can’t name a single God I believe in.
Looking up into the cashier’s eyes,
apologizing for being one of them
and knowing that they’re probably
one of us, too.
I mean, don’t you feel like
the silent majority sometimes?
When you’re shopping at the discount store
bumping carts with people who have that far off,
almost dead look in their eyes,
and a part of you is screaming inside:
I don’t belong here!
I don’t belong here!
How did I end up here?
How did I end up here?
But still shuffling the aisles with the rest, resigned.
There’s the monthly decision:
rent or utilities, rent or utilities,
and rent always wins out.
You know what it’s like
to come home in the dark,
surprised, but not surprised
that you’ve let it happen again.
You know the pain in your back
that you feel every week when you
schlep to the laundromat and dish out
almost fifteen dollars in quarters
to even more machines.
There’s driving by the modest houses
tenuously owned by people who are
just that little bit luckier than you
and wondering what they did to get there.
Why don’t I deserve to get there?
And the McMansions with their
pillared doorways and shuttered windows,
wraparound driveways with fucking fountains,
where brown people are paid to mow the lawns.
Resentment.
Dunkin Donuts is a treat
and Starbucks is an extravagance.
You never feel like you deserve anything nice for yourself.
Looking into your child’s eyes and saying:
“I’m sorry, I can’t afford it,”
again.
Having to do that over and over again.
Having to let them down.
Letting yourself down.
Thank you for reading. I would love it if you followed me on Twitter to keep in touch.
