Self-Improvement
Tears of Change
Growth is painful but necessary
Recently I have been learning what it means to truly feel. It is incredibly uncomfortable, and I am experiencing it in a way I hate, but it has forced me to figure out how to create healthy change. Part of learning what it means to feel includes learning how to cry.
Control
I hate crying. I don’t mean that in a tough-guy way, or at least I don’t think I do. It infuriates me because it causes me to understand that I have to deal with complicated feelings. It tells me that I am at a breaking point and that I do not have the strength to stop myself from experiencing specific emotions that I am generally able to suppress.
I don’t like feeling my physiological responses to crying. I feel my stomach flex in a way that tells me I need comfort. My throat restricts my airflow yet simultaneously demands that my pain be vocalized in a way that I cannot control. I’m unable to control my diaphragm as I lose the ability to breathe. I feel my face contort in a way that makes me forcefully admit that I need help. The raw and powerful heat behind my eyes manifests itself in the furious tears that I cannot figure out how to stop. My eyes involuntarily shut, not allowing me to center myself by looking at my surroundings.
