Member-only story
The Cult of Eternal Engagement
The Algorithm Will See You Now
It was hitting me from all sides. The drilling from the neighbor. The whirling, whizzing, skullfuckery of it all. My phone, my laptop, my tablet, my smart toaster all vibrated in a violent symphony of notifications. New trends. New discourse. New manufactured outrage. If I so much as glanced at my device, it screamed: “HAVE A FUCKING OPINION. NOW.”
How many holes does this man need? How many goddamn takes can one person have? What is he building? An ark? A TED Talk? A new social movement founded on the back of a viral dance and three poorly researched TikToks? I watched the tweets roll in, each sentence delivered like a hammer to my skull. This person is problematic. That person is cancelled. Have you seen what’s fucking trending? HAVE YOU? If not, you are obsolete. Redundant. Dead fucking weight. A digital corpse floating down the algorithmic river.
Then the child starts up the iPad. The TV screen remains on. The iPhone activated with the nasal squeals of a YouTube personality with 23 million followers and the combined IQ of an oversized capybara. She’s loud, effervescent, vivacious as she rizzes her peeps, “HEY GUYS, WHAT’S UP!?” It’s a command, not a question. I can feel my neurons shriveling in protest. They wave tiny white flags before perishing in the abyss of her fucking content.
