The Bad Influence
Published in

The Bad Influence

The Marketing Advice You Need Today

It’s finally your turn to make the right moves!

Friends, countrymen. Lend me your email addresses. I have an *exclusive* proprietary methodology that is normally sold for $997 to my masterclass level members only. But today, you are in luck, my friend. We are about to embark upon a marketing journey of simplicity and clarity, with no fluff or fanciful promises. It is your TURN to turn that original, beautiful brain of yours into a moneymaker while you do literally NOTHING.

Photo by Carlos Muza on Unsplash

All I’m going to do is require 90–120 minutes of your life (although I’ll only ask you set aside 60 minutes so yeah, you’re going to be late to soccer practice). While you listen, I’ll be quirky! For the first 20 minutes, I’ll document my expertise with cute anecdotes and meaningless information. I’ll ask you to “raise your hand” in the chat, and tell me where you’re watching from. I’ll pretend I can read the names despite how quickly they’re flying across the screen, and maybe I’ll act like I recognize a few of my masterclass members.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. We’re at minute 77 and you’re done. You’ve watched a lot of these free webinars and read through hundreds of lead magnets. But I promise, *this one is different!* Don’t logout because you do NOT want to miss the BONUS resource at the end that will explain exactly how you too, can walk through life with as much ease and income as I do! With my patent-pending “Mind Map of Success,” you are going to explode with joy! And I cannot believe they talked me into giving this away for free!

Okay. It’s the final countdown. Are you as jacked and excited about this bonus resource as I am? It’s all part of my private, exclusive Facebook group that YOU can access today, for only $1. That’s right — it’s a discount of $996 dollars! For the next 30 days, you can see EVERYTHING. All my tips, tricks, and tools of the trade. Everyone else in that group paid full price (eventually — on day 31, of course). This is your chance! I must be out of my right mind. I can’t believe I’m even offering this! Guarantee, you cannot find ANYTHING like this on Google. I mean… I’m pretty sure. Anyway, in just a few minutes, we’re going to unpack the magic! But first, I want to share another testimonial video from a one-off success story that is mostly doing well. Wait! Don’t log out yet. I’ve got a special, exclusive message for you from my former student and co-chair. I know we’re at 132 minutes in but wait. There. Is. More.* All you need NOW is my…**

Image created by the author with “Mind Map” from here

*Note: The aforementioned “more” is referring to more of the same bullshit, boring, repetitive, no value add marketing methodology of the current internet experts. I’m sorry if this is your best method of connecting with others. Do you need to gather email addresses? Do it the old-fashioned way by actually *adding value* to their lives, instead of stealing their time.

**Note: Yes. I was absolutely listening to a webinar replay while writing. Was it yours? Probably not, but now might be a great time to reconsider your delivery format.

Mandy Capehart is a certified grief and life coach, and creator of The Restorative Grief Project. The Restorative Grief Project is an online community focusing on one another’s stories and new methodologies for grief, creating a safe environment for our souls to heal and our spirits to be revived. To learn more, visit www.MandyCapehart.com/grief or follow along with weekly columns on Ask A Grief Coach! She also thinks she is pretty funny. The jury is out.

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