50/100 WORDS
This Is Forties Really Sucks
Thrifty Word Challenge 100 words #45: & 50 words #66: Forties
I didn’t realize that I was playing Marisa Tomei’s character from the movie, My Cousin Vinny, where she is stomping her feet and declaring that her biological clock was ticking…. Until mine stopped ticking, and the countdown started in 2018. I had no idea what was happening until a year later when the fertility doctor told me that I had six fertile eggs left, and I needed to use them or lose them. After I made the decision, I thought that maybe that was it, but I’m still dealing with gynecological issues including a possible hysterectomy, which I decided not to do. So, I now get to torture myself every six months with a submarine called the transvaginal (internal) pelvic ultrasound to keep an eye on my ovaries and their cysts, and my body does not feel the same anymore.
I hate looking at myself in the mirror because sometimes, I don’t see a woman. I don’t feel like a woman, and it’s not because I won’t have a baby. It’s just that I feel different, less feminine, and I’m not comfortable in my own skin. And that biological clock has ticked its last tick, and I think the seconds hand fell off along with other things. I hate that I’m getting older and struggling to get myself back on track, trying to eat healthy, maybe…
