Tinder Red Flags And Conversation Killers For Beginners
What if you could write what you really wanted to say on your Tinder profile?
Online dating is one hundred percent what you make of it. You find what you’re looking for, so if you’re convinced that you’re digging through yesterday’s trash that’s what you’re going to pick up on.
Now now, I’m not saying people are trash; I am, however, noticing that there’s a lot of patterns that regurgitate themselves on the platforms that make my toes curl; not in a good way.
As a recovering codependent I’ve dated some of the worst offenders for narcissistic-bordering-sociopathic behavior because it reminded me of home. I was also taught to perpetually lower my standard and boundaries. It makes me cowk (Doric for retch) to think about it now.
After much healing, landing square into my 30s and being a mum, it’s safe to say that I see a red flag a mile off; come to think of it, I spot those yellows too. I’m no longer in the market for settling, overlooking shitty behaviour and covert attempts at jibes made at me designed to prime me as the next victim of their fragile ego fuckery.
That being said, I love a dating disaster, sometimes you need a good story to juju up your otherwise boring week, amiright?
Here are some of my favourite observations.
1 You know that when you say ‘please don’t be crazy’ you’ve just highlighted yourself as a pro gaslighter and/or ‘crazy’, right? Ok, cool, just checking.
2 If you’re planning on playing to make me jealous or make me chase you with inconsistency and breadcrumbing, I already see you; and I’m walking away at a brisk pace. *So 2005, yawn* I’m not here for fragile egos, thank you.
3 “Don’t be needy.” Please, bro. Those who smelled it dealt it comes to mind. GTFO.
4 Photos that have me questioning if that’s your ex? Another fragile ego in the house. “I’ve got lots of girl mates” *Yikes* of course you do, hun.
5 Don’t remark on how lean I must be because I’m a PT (as a way to check-in and see if I actually am or not). My stats don’t concern you, hun; shallow ain’t my bag, despite common preconception of fitness professionals. Definitely don’t start telling me that I “will have a problem with your chicken legs” on repeat when I literally haven’t said a word, telling me that “you know my type”. Oh, Fuck me — no, you won’t.
6 “I’m not usually on here, so it’s best you catch me on Insta”/”I’m never on here, what’s your Insta, let’s chat there.” *Puts down drink and leaves*
7 “Do you have Snap?” No, I’m not 12.
8 “Hi” …
9 “How are you still single?” If you’re too terrified to date because you’re scared of finding someone that may or may not have issues — that’s your issue — you’re gonna find a problem if you’re looking for one. Sit this one out for a bit. Ps, no ‘red flag’ is going to rat themselves out; duh.
10 “What are you looking for?” Am I the only person who finds this question infuriating? It depends on the person. Ideally I’d love to find someone that a relationship developed with, looking, no, searching, won’t do that. I’m browsing hun.
Before I get hate for this, it’s a bit of fun. Also, this works any which way, irrespective of gender.
Amanda Jayne is single mummy to Ruby, aged 2, Personal Trainer and Nutrition Advisor of over a decade; and a C-PTSD warrior passionate about sharing all she’s learned about personal growth, self-development, and her own healing and wellbeing journey.
