WHISKEY OVER WORSHIP
Why Alcoholics are slightly better than Religious people
Read with faith
1. Alcoholics know they are under influence, that it’s not reality.
2. An alcoholic will never force you to drink. They know it’s bad for health.
3. An alcoholic rarely discusses alcohol. Sit down with any group in a bar and you hear them discuss an astonishingly wide range of topics, rarely alcohol. Unless it’s an experiment they want to try out, like in Another Round.
4. Unlike how they show in movies, alcoholics rarely create any noise pollution. The only shouting they sometimes do at top of their voice is when calling out their ex-girlfriend’s name after a recent heartbreak.
5. An alcoholic’s may vomit on you but never in your mind.
6. Alcoholics don’t ask for money in the name of alcohol. They are generous.
If you can’t afford to buy a drink for yourself, go to the cheapest bar in your area. There will be a bunch of large-hearted strangers who would be happy to buy you a drink. Because an alcoholic understands.
7. If you quit alcohol, you won’t end up in hell. Or hospital.
8. There is no sacred book of alcoholics. All the general rules that apply are practical and with the times.
9. You can choose to be a beer person and easily convert to be a vodka person. Nobody will kill you for that. No alcoholic will make a law forcing you against doing something like this.
10. Alcoholics are flexible. No place is too bad for them to drink. I once used to frequent a place where rats would come to my table.
11. Alcoholics mind their own business. Chances are they won’t even remember what’s going on in your life, even after you’ve told them. I have never seen an alcoholic gossip. It’s just not in their nature.
12. Alcoholics don’t care about increasing their strength, let alone increasing it by exploiting people’ poverty. They would rather have the bar not too full.
13. Alcoholics pay the highest taxes in the country. Religion is mostly tax-free.
14. Alcoholics are the ultimate customers. They don’t need aunts or politicians pushing products. They drink like clockwork, and sometimes unfortunately around the clock. They are happy to try any new brand in the market, in their budget.
15. Alcoholics don’t care about the origin of different alcohols. They definitely don’t split groups on basis of theories of origin. As long as it’s not spurious, it’s cool.
16. Alcoholics won’t get offended by this story. They, for sure, don’t get offended on behalf of someone else.
God, I can go on and on.
