Each Time Betty Wright Helped Me Keep My Man
The Soul Singer May Be Gone, but Her Voice and Take on Relationships Live On
Betty Wright’s music was a lesson plan set to a melody for how a man should treat a woman.
More relevant these days, her music is a diatribe for how women should allow men to treat them.
What to take from a man, how to keep a man, when to let go of a man, all of that is in Betty’s music — the pain, the joy, it’s all in her voice. This past weekend, that voice was silenced as Soul music lost one of its greats, but her lessons will live on.
I was 12 when I first heard “Clean up Woman.” I remember asking my grandmother what the lyrics meant and then being popped when I asked her which one she was — a clean up woman, or the woman who got her man took by the clean up woman.
Betty’s songs are cautionary tales that help you keep (and let go of) your man — they certainly helped me on more than one occasion. Here are just a few that come to mind:
“GIRLS CAN’T DO WHAT GUYS DO” MY FIRST TIME AROUND (ALBUM) 1968
A man is going to be a man.
I used to think it was an excuse for bad behavior, now I know it’s the truth.
As defiant a child as I was — I was even more so in relationships, if you cheated on me, I was going to be the bigger cheater. If you lied, I was going to be the bigger liar.
No one was ever going to one up me. Ever.
On first listen of Betty’s classic “Girls Can’t Do What Guys Do,” she talks about the behavior of a man and it sounds like she suggests that a woman is supposed to allow for that behavior.
That’s when the tape is supposed to stop.
Not so fast.
The song is about maintaining grace, which is the birthright of women, especially Black women. The truth is, we are not men — and girls can’t do what guys do. But I realized that there was a part 2: guys can’t do what girls can do. Our strength isn’t weaker, it’s different.
“CLEAN UP WOMAN” I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE (ALBUM) 1972
If I was in a relationship and I wasn’t arguing, something was wrong.
If I wasn’t popping him upside the head, or cussing him out every five minutes, or taking his phone, checking his messages, accusing him of something, or beating up somebody I didn’t like, who I said he was cheating with — it wasn’t love.
But Betty said otherwise.
Enter the Clean Up Woman.
On first listen, you might think that a Clean Up Woman is a ho.
She is, to an extent, but us finger-wavin, ass-beatin, phone-takin, accusation-makin, women make it easy for the Clean Up Woman to come in and take our men.
If you were him, would you stick around?
“TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT” DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE (ALBUM) 1974
This song was a poem that Betty wrote in a notebook that was never to be recorded. It was about the night she lost her virginity, and t became one of her biggest hits.
The vulnerability of her lyrics gave me the space to feel comfortable enough to admit how scared I was my first time.
As Betty’s vocals transitioned from chorus to verse, from girl to woman — my own maturity was realized through her music and through him and the way he held me then.
When Betty was singing tonight is the night, she was putting her vulnerability on the line, while also putting herself in control. No one taking anything from her that she wasn’t giving willingly.
That decision made her a boss — which is what all Black women are.
“IF YOU ABUSE MY LOVE (YOU’LL LOSE MY LOVE)” THIS TIME FOR REAL 1977 (ALBUM)
Some men, you only have to tell something to once and they get it. Others, you have to sing it to them in order for them to comprehend. Then, there are those special kinds of men who you have to leave in order for them to get the picture. That’s the kind of men I used to have.
If you’ll abuse my love, you’ll lose my love. It’s a simple enough statement. This single appeared off of Betty’s classic 1977 album This Time For Real. The title of the album should have let you know how serious she was.
Before even deciding to enter into a relationship, you should have a set of boundaries. It’s so important to know who you are as an individual which dictates who you will become in a relationship.
This song taught me that love is like patience. And every woman has a breaking point.
“IT’S HARD TO STOP (DOING SOMETHING WHEN IT’S GOOD TO YOU)” HARD TO STOP (ALBUM) 1973
A man that makes you feel so good, it’s bad, can’t be called anything else other than growing pains.
I believe this is the type of man Betty was talking about in her song, “It’s hard to stop,” in 1973.
Back when I first heard the song, I didn’t want to stop. I couldn’t even if I tried.
He was my worst habit and after him, I felt like I needed a support group.
“Hi, my name is Miss Sable, and I’m a HIMaholic.”
Everything he told me was a lie, and I willfully believed every word even when I didn’t — all because of how he made me feel.
Love is easily mistaken for something else when you don’t know what love is, and a man, well… some men, will recognize that weakness, and use it as a way to enter a woman’s heart knowing she’s looking for something he has no intention of giving.
When you find yourself in one of these situations, the best thing to do is, run!
And don’t look back.
