Fantasy is a Cruel Sport

Brief update from the soon 0–2 team.

End of 2015 season

Beaten in the semi finals by a team that had barely scrapped through into the playoffs. His team blew it’s load in the semi final all over my running backs and there was nothing I could do, no roster changes would’ve taken me to the promised land. I accepted that. The bitter taste was left when my team out scored both the finalists. I was left with the bronze medal feeling cheated of back to back Champion Seasons.

A season where I had played the waiver wire to perfection, I even had a dream where LeVeon Bell would blow out his knee. I’m not superstitious but I scooped up DeAngelo Williams. Low and behold that week LeVeon blew out his knee and DeAngelo was a lock for leading my RBs. Everything went well; until it didn’t.

Summer 2016

Angry from the end of last season. Starting to read early predictions, determined to continue the winning culture I cultivated. I would dominate the draft, figuring out sleepers no one else would know. Historically my team was let down by subpar Receivers, I wasn’t going to let that happen this year. I wanted guys I could count on and I’d find value at running back, I always do. Or so I thought.

Draft order released

I have pick 6. Not bad at all.

The Draft

• I have bastardised a safety book work had provided me to become the ultimate cheat sheet, having depth charts, sleepers, 3 different rankings, my own rankings, best Cuffs, and so much more. First few picks go as expected with Antonio Brown, Adrian Peterson, Gurley, OBJ all off the board. It comes to me and I have the choice between DeAndre Hopkins, Ezekiel Elliott and David Johnson.
• A stud Receiver who just had an upgrade at QB but was still largely unproven.
• A rookie
• A super hyped potential CJ Anderson repeat?

Thinking about my Receiver quandary I hop on the chance to take Hopkins to a few chants of “reach” from my league mates. Quietly confident.

Fast forward with the rest of the draft and it’d had gone from fine to bad to worse. Sure I was happy with my receivers but I had talked myself out of so many RBs. My final roster looked a bit like:

QB — Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Ryan.

Fairly happy with this situation but quickly cut Matt Ryan, no need for him and plenty options to stream if required.

WR — DeAndre Hopkins, Amari Cooper, Jarvis Landry, Stefon Diggs, and Victor Cruz as a deep sleeper.

Previous seasons I had purely targeted red zone threats, TD whores if you may. Not this year, I ended the draft with 4 No. 1 options on teams. Sure they may not have been pass heavy offenses but that wasn’t the point.

RB — TJ Yeldon, Jonathan Stewart, Doug Martin, Dion Lewis and Justin Forsett. My initial reaction was thinking I had some underrated guys who were hungry to prove themselves. That soon fell apart when Jacksonville signed Chris Ivory. And Forsett was cut by the Ravens.

TE — Martellus Bennett

Gronk is great, until injury strikes. Bennett is an athletic TE in an offense with a penchant for 2 TE sets.

D/ST — Seahawks

Usually I laugh at the guy who drafts the Seahawks D 3 rounds too early but it fell and I thought why the hell not. I fancied a spin on the Legion of Boom rollercoaster.

K — Blair Walsh

Trusty kicker in an offense decent enough to get upfield but not always good enough to get the TDs. My perfect kicker situation.

Week 1

Week 1 and there was nothing I could do, AJ Green bent me over and the whole Vikings D/ST took turns on me. I played the highest scorer of the week. Not downhearted, I’ll bounce back week 2 no worries.

There are few events that can kill your fantasy spirit. Stuff like an injury is bad, or when a bench player out scores a starter is frustrating. But a perfect storm.

Week 2

Make some roster moves. McKinnon won’t get touches while AP is about. And Bennett was a major disappointment. CUT CUT CUT. (Hindsight bit of a Kneejerk reaction on my part)

His team was nothing special but my starters just didn’t bring it. But my bench. Oh the bench yes sir.

My 6 bench receivers* combined for 659 yards and 5 TDs. Two of my 4 running backs got injured in the first quarter. And the other two dropped trou and left a big old Cleveland Steamer on my chest.

*Why I have 6 Bench receivers baffles me but I can’t drop them now and no one will trade.

Week 3?

Fuck knows what I’m going to pick but the panic alarm will sound if I lose again, maybe just trade my assets for future draft picks. Maybe I’ll have a premonition but right now I need to prioritise waiver targets.

Fantasy is the cruel soul crushing game you didn’t know you needed in your life, it lulls you into thinking you’re safe and the path to the Championship is clear. Then some back up goes off and knocks you out of the playoffs.

Good luck everyone. Happy Fantasies!