Where in the world is the Karma, San Diego?

San Diego may be the worst sport city ever, let me tell you why.

San Diego is America’s Finest City. It has sunshine, golden beaches and Cameron Diaz. It does not, however, have a functioning major sports franchise.

Let me be clear. I don’t mean a successful franchise like the New England Patriots or even a recently good franchise like the Chicago Cubs. They don’t have average teams. They don’t even have bad teams with good ownership and coaching and young prospects. They have two laughingstocks. Except, they stopped being funny a long time ago.

I refer to them as “They” because their names bring nothing but pain and misery. “They” are the San Diego Padres of MLB and the San Diego Chargers of the NFL.

Here’s why each can be “charged” for crimes against sports:

San Diego Padres

• They have boring uniforms.
• They had two superstar players in their history, Tony Gwynn and Trevor Hoffman. Gwynn tragically died young and Hoffman was a reliever which is kind of like if your best player was Joe Hart.
• They play in one of the most pitcher-friendly ballparks in the league and yet they are the only team in baseball to not have a no-hitter.
• Their uniforms are really boring
• They were punished by the league for keeping a second set of books regarding player injuries and their medical history.
• They have no talent on their roster or their farm system, even the Angels have Mike Trout.
• Have I mentioned the uniforms? Seriously, they thought brown was a good colour for them.
• This is their mascot:

• I’m not joking. Their uniforms were literally shit.

• Also their GM is a man-child who was suspended by the league and the minority owners called out the players when they didn’t play well…which was all the time.

All in all, the Padres are a joke organisation that no team will trade with because the GM, A.J Preller, is a con man and no player will sign there because the owners will call them out, it’s hard to hit there and no one has looked good in brown.

But at least they are not the Chargers.

San Diego Chargers

Jesus Christ, where to start with this team.

• They legit wasted the careers of three Hall-of-Fame worthy quarterbacks; Dan Fouts, Drew Brees and Philip Rivers.
• They had a top 10 all-time running back and all-time ghetto name guy called LaDainian Tomlinson and they traded him to the New York Jets, which I’m pretty sure is a human rights violation.
• They made the Super Bowl once in their history in 1994 and now half of that team is dead. (which I am slightly scared about)
• So far in 2016, five of their running backs are on injured reserve along with their best wide receiver and half their defence. Their injury list is so long that you would be forgiven for thinking that a major disaster had occured. Like a fire at SeaWorld.
• Their best defensive player is a rookie, Joey Bosa, who they couldn’t convince to sign until the season had already started so he missed out on their first four games. This may have killed their playoff chances before they even began.
• Their owner looks like someone who would advertise a hair rejuvenation treatment

• They play in powder blue. Fashion is not one of San Diego’s strongpoints.

However, this all pales in comparison to what they have put the city of San Diego through in the past 18 months. Tired of playing in their old stadium which looks more like somewhere Russell Crowe displayed his fighting prowess than somewhere a Super Bowl would be presented, owner Dean Spanos wants to move the team north to a new home in Los Angeles.

He did try to build a new stadium in San Diego first. By “try”, what I mean to say is “blackmail”. He told the city to raises taxes and install a new tax for tourists. San Diego is a city that thrives on it’s tourism, so naturally this advice did not go down well. Spanos bascially asked the city to shoot itself in the foot. The city government had a ballot measure and the people of San Diego turned out to vote against a new stadium and a tourist tax. Spanos, who had already agreed to a backroom deal with the NFL, now has the priority option on an LA move. It’s more than likely that San Diego will be down to just one laughingstock in the near future. Los Angeles, meanwhile, will continue their search for a professional NFL team.

Funnily enough, San Diego has experienced a franchise relocation before. They used to be the home of the Clippers of the NBA.

• They averaged 4500 fans a game
• They ruined Bill Walton, basketball Hall-of-Famer and inventor of 50 differents ways to destroy your knees.
• They were owned by one of the most racist and cheap owners in professional sports history, Donald Sterling.
• Picasso made their logo;

• And just to go full circle, let’s take a look at their uniforms (crosses fingers)