The Baroness’ Guide on How to Make Your Birthday Last More Than a Day

I have just completed the 10th day of celebrating my 29th birthday and couldn’t be happier with the results. Every year it seems, I’m able to stretch it longer and longer and I want to share with you how you too can make the world celebrate you for days on end:

1. Live in a foreign country. People will send you things. Many people feel guilty for being so far away and not being there for you for both the good and bad times and so let them make it up to you by sending you some birthday love across the pond. Worried about not getting cards and packages? Don’t! You WILL receive if you train people correctly. Especially if you remind everyone just how hard it is to be so far away from friends and family on your big day and what makes the blow a little softer are surprises. Some friends are early and some are late, just like in real life. The glory of this fact is that this helps stretch your birthday out even farther! Got a card a week early from your first boyfriend’s mum? Don’t wait! Open that sucker up and display the hell out of it. Guilty friend sent you flowers a week late because she always forgets which day your birthday is? Viola! Your birthday just got extended until those babies are dead.

2. Facebook. I have a complicated relationship with the Book of Faces. But I will concede that on your birthday, it’s nice to feel the love from so many people whom you have not seen in years and may never again see in person. But love is love and we must take it where we can get it.

3. Pity and repetition. Make sure people know how much you love your own birthday. Tell people how much your birthday means to you. Prep people weeks, even months in advance. Ask people when their birthday is and then use this as an excuse to bring up the fact that yours is coming up.* Feel free to embellish a childhood story about a rotten, tear-filled birthday or that time you ran away the the camper in the backyard on your birthday to see if anyone cared that you were missing (they did not). People want to help. They need to be needed. They want to fix you. So let them do so by buying you things and throwing you parties. *(Once you have asked someone their birthday, please try to remember it. At least the month or even their sign. There is no excuse for not storing this information if you expect everyone else to remember yours. Sorry Nick.)

4. Have a party by yourself for yourself. Sometimes, despite one’s best intentions, one’s birthday does not fall on a Friday or Saturday and one must spend a good part of the day working/serving others/having conversations with working girls on Langstrasse/napping, etc . . . and so one must take care of one’s own birthday entertainment until the reinforcements can arrive and meet you at El Lokal or Mata Hari for far too many drinks, or Acapulco to serenade you with Bon Jovi, Johnny Cash and Liz Phair if you are lucky enough to have your birthday on a Sunday. While waiting until your boring friends who have jobs are finished for the day, there are boat loads of things you can to do celebrate YOU: Go to the perfume counter at Jelmoli and try on every scent. Try on too-small clothes at Globus and come out and look at yourself in the mirror and act like you think you look a-mazing. Take selfies and send to friends stuck at work. Take yourself to lunch and promise not to look at your phone the entire time you’re eating. Focus on your food. Go to the Hyatt and get a burger. I promise you, it will be the best 32 CHF you have ever spent. I go every year for my birthday and would be happy to join you there to celebrate your birthday as well. Hop on the 33 bus and ride it around all day. When the old ladies stare at you, stare back. Or maybe wink at them. They love that. Public transportation in Zurich rocks and it’s a great way to get to know your city! You’re welcome!

So darlings, I challenge you to make the most of this year’s big day and make it into a week or even a month. It can be done! Please write and tell me of your successes and do be sure to invite me to your birthday party. I’m told I’m a gracious guest and terrific gift-giver.

As ever,

xxx

The Baroness