The Lord’s Prayer, My Prayer
-Johana, Los Angeles
Heavenly Father, who art in heaven…
Surrounded by all those angels. Angels who have witnessed my suffering. I am traumatized by tragedy. I open my eyes, but everything feels so real. I am trying so hard to forget about the past, but it still haunts me.
Hallowed be thy name…
But as I look down and I see the blood, I can’t help but blame you, God.
Thy kingdom come…
To the ghetto, because every day I hear the gunshots and I hear their mothers’ screams. Lord, I am tired of this. Tired of knowing were not going to make it out alive. I am just sick of it all. I wonder what its like to go to high school graduations instead of high schoolers’ funerals!? But for now I just pray that,
Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven…
In heaven where it’s filled with happiness. I wonder what it’s like to not have to do drugs to numb the pain? I wonder what it’s like to not go hungry as a kid? Man, God…
Give us this day, our daily bread…
Because I know what it’s like to go hungry. I know what it’s like to need a home. I know the struggle, and it’s real. I remember them late night walks, the ones where I didn’t have a place to stay in. I would wonder where I was going to spend the night. Thirteen and without a home, every day of my life I was struggling and either hungry, cold, or without a home. The years passed and the streets fascinated me so they were all I cared about. They were the only thing that was always there. I started doing some scandalous things because I had to. I was in survival mode. But…
Forgive us our trespasses…
I am sorry I had to steal to put food in my mouth. I am sorry I had to steal so I could have clothes. Tsss, there I go being a victim to my own self- pity. I refuse to be a victim of my own self- defeat. God, I am sorry for all the things I have done and all of the people I have hurt. Forgive me…
As we forgive those who trespass against us…
I look down and I see the blood. 1–2–3, I get up and I see the bruises. 1–2–3, I see the shadows. It’s my past. It’s come to haunt me. 1–2–3 I am running.
God, lead us not into temptation…
Because sometimes I want to hurt all the people that have hurt me. Lord, please take the hurt and burden off my chest and…
Deliver us from evil…
Because I am tired of how there are all these funerals and not enough people moving out of the hood. 1–2–3 I get up. I get up with red, red from the blood. I get up with purple, purple for the bruises. I get up with black, black for how my heart turned. But I dust myself off, fix my face, say everything is okay, and I say:
Amen
