Being a Perfect Perfectionist
How to Perfectly Utilize your Perfectionism
Who does not want to be good? who does not even want to be the best at whatever he is doing? Once, a friend of mine posted a question asking how each of us define “Success”. I said, “I want to be the best at whatever I am doing, I want to be the best daughter, the best sister, the best engineer, the best wife, the best mum even the best one writing an answer for this question.”
Is perfectionism a mental disorder?
While not being itself a disorder, some types of perfectionism might be a symptom of other disorders such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, or social anxiety disorder.
The two types of perfectionism
We all need some sort of perfectionism in our lives, motivation is always required to push us forward, and some people find their greatest motivation in being qualified for their own standards. The problem escalates when you set your standards unrealistic or too high to reach. You find yourself exhausted by the effort you exert to reach and you end up feeling disappointed for not getting where you want. Based on this, perfectionism is classified into two types, They both have the same standards, the difference is how they react towards them:
1-Adaptive perfectionism: usually do not take themselves so seriously, they get disappointed like normal but they are easy on themselves when their standards are not meet.
2-Maladaptive perfectionism: are too much self-critical, hard on themselves, and do not easily accept the loss.
Spotting perfectionism
Being Maladaptive perfectionist, you can easily relate to one or more of those symptoms:
-Excessive fear of failure
-Unrealistic Standards
-Black and white thinking
-Low self-esteem
-Procrastination
-Jumping into conclusions
-Fear of intimacy
-Burnout at work.
Why some people are perfectionists while others not?
This is dependent on one or more reason, but the most common reasons usually have a thing to do with childhood or even later trauma of not being enough, from which we might mention:
Over-demanding growing-up environment
Usually, people who suffer from perfectionism are grown up in a demanding environment where they are always asked to act properly in all aspects, they do not have the chance to go wrong. This gives the grow-up two unwanted perspectives, first, they think their value is gained by what they do not who they are, second, they see things on black and white with no grey zones, they are all or nothing.
Insecurities
Some people be a perfectionist as a reaction for not feeling safe, they tend to think that things go bad when they are not doing good enough, this gives them a fake sense of being in control.
Seeking Approval or Attention
Some people seek attention through perfection, they try to be the best to be cared for and seen enough.
Perfectionism Coping Strategies:
Be honest with yourself
One of the best advice I was given was to reveal the hidden purpose behind perfectionism. Agreeing that it is a defense mechanism to hide other feelings of unworthiness/ losing control/ attention-seeking/ asking for approval, one can get rid of perfectionism by thinking if it is really worth this cost of exhaustion. not only on the mental well-being side but also your time, productivity, and opportunities.
Set your goals clearly
Sometimes your goals might mislead you, or over-weight you, the mountains you are carrying, you were only supposed to be climbing, so set your goals clearly and realistically, break your big goals into smaller steps and do it one by one.
Celebrate your little wins
It is important to celebrate your achievements to encourage yourself to do more, also celebrating can be a checkpoint for each step you have taken.
Progress over Perfectionism
Do not let your urge to be perfect blind you from the progress you make, let go of an all-or-nothing way of thinking, you can take little steps a time, and you will get astonished by how far these steps have taken you.
Rewarding Failure
Some organizations, Including Google, recently started systems to reward failure to encourage their employee to do more mistakes while trying more.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Thomas A. Edison
