How To Successfully Detach Yourself From Others
A step by step guide to emotional freedom!
An emotional attachment is one of the most powerful elements within any relationship. The state of being deeply attached can cause major issues if the relationship is inflicting severe physical, emotional, or mental pain. Attachment is the reason why so many people stay in abusive relationships and endure the mistreatment they are faced with. So the question then becomes, how do I detach myself from someone who is causing me pain?
First, remind yourself that attachment does not equate to love. It may feel like love because there is such a strong connection that is bounding you to this other person, but there is a clear difference between being attached vs. being in love. This distinction is important because it can properly narrate what is truly at stake and change your overall perception of the situation.
Next, ask yourself why you feel so devoted towards this individual. What about them makes you tolerate the unfair treatment, if there is any. Why do you stay with them, other than attachment? How long have you felt this way? These questions will expand your knowledge on your situation. Perhaps, there is something about your self-worth that is at play or maybe you stay because you truly believe you cannot do better. These are important questions to really think about as it will help guide you to a better understanding of yourself.
Emotion regulation: The ability to exert control over one’s own emotional state. It may involve behaviors such as rethinking a challenging situation to reduce anger or anxiety, hiding visible signs of sadness or fear, or focusing on reasons to feel happy or calm. Emotion regulation not only makes your day to day emotions feel less like a burden, but it can also help with creating boundaries and taking back some of the control that you may have lost within the relationship.
Mindfulness: The psychological process of focusing on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Long-term mindfulness practice is strongly correlated with reduced gray matter and activity in the amygdala. The amygdala is responsible for triggering fear, anxiety, and survival instincts. MRI scans have shown that after an eight-week course of mindfulness practice, the brain’s “fight or flight” appears to shrink. This results in the higher order brain functions such as awareness, concentration and decision-making to become thicker and more effective.
Willpower & Discipline: Having enough discipline to not always emotionally react is a key element in detachment. Most people who have an unhealthy attachment will oftentimes struggle with letting go. Unable to walk away and let go, it can be extremely difficult to have the willpower to resist temptations in rationalizing, staying, and holding onto the past. You must do the exact opposite of what your heart seeks and have enough discipline to choose what is best for you in the long run rather than feeding your fixations.
If this person is from your past then you must delete their photos and contact on your phone. Remove them from social media even if your heart says otherwise. You have to realize that your emotions will tell you the exact things you shouldn’t be doing. Therefore, it is especially important to flip the switch and instead, reason with yourself the best you possibly can. Ask yourself if you truly want to live a life where your emotional needs are unmet, unstable, and unregulated.
Patience: There is no magic button to press that will eliminate all of your feelings toward this person. It will not be an overnight mission, it will take time to properly detach yourself from someone you feel bound to. There are no short cuts in this equation. Remember to be compassionate to yourself because you may fail the first time or even the second, but it’s never too late to break the cycle of past habits that have kept you hostage for this long.
Release: In the process of detachment, there will be a whirlwind of intense emotions coming at you from every angle. Jealousy, insecurity, resentment, are just a few of the emotions that may boil within as you begin to realize how unfairly you have been treated. Releasing these emotions in a healthy way is going to be what saves you from insanity. Try phoning a close friend, family member, or mental health professional. Read books on self-care and self improvement. Keep a diary of all of your feelings, good or bad. Watch a movie, listen to music, pick up a new hobby, do whatever you need to do to flush out the unwanted emotions that are preventing you from healing.
Healing: When you finally learn to let go and move forward with your life, it will without a doubt be one of your proudest achievements. Your loved ones will root for your happiness and success, people will notice you seem more present and alive, and you will finally be at peace. Whoever is currently struggling to let someone go, I know it may seem impossible right now. You must think you’re a special case with a unique case that will never be fixed. You cannot even begin to imagine a life without the person you’re attached to. I’m here to tell you the truth, you are not a special case. No matter how many years you have been with this person, no matter how many significant memories you have made, you are more than capable of letting go and advancing towards a promising future. You can do it, so why not start today?
