I’m honest about everything — but why not my insomnia?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve suffered from the very debilitating Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, which often results in periods of insomnia.
Roughly put, Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder (DSPD) is a biological issue that puts your body clock back by several hours. If left to my own devices, I can fall asleep at 7am and wake up around 3pm.
Even medicated, I honestly have no idea what it feels like to consistently fall asleep before midnight. In fact, if I ever do go to bed by midnight, it’s more than likely for a nap — and I’m up a few short hours later.
The thing is: I don’t often tell people this. If I’ve woken up at 3pm, and someone asks what I’ve been up to that day, I’ll almost always make something up.
The reason I don’t tell people?
The society we live in makes it embarrassing to be nocturnal.
If ever I do tell someone about my sleeping patterns, I’m met with so many judgements, and so much unsolicited advice.
“Oh so you like staying up late?”
No. I don’t. It’s horrible.
“Just go to bed earlier!”
Yeah, sure. I love lying in the dark, completely awake. It’s a good time.
“Try waking up at the same time every day”
Didn’t I go to school for that?
“You should try exercising”
Well, thank you for the compliment to my physique — but I already do work out, actually.
Yes, I realise I probably sound very bitter. I know that deep down these people are trying to help, but the undercurrent of these condescending comments is always:
this is your fault, you are lazy, you are doing this to yourself on purpose.
Of course, these conversations do always come to a halt when I announce it’s Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, a biological problem that’s been diagnosed by my physician.
But it always strikes a very sombre chord with me that people will accept that version of the truth over the other version of the truth: it’s insomnia, a mental health issue, diagnosed by a psychologist.
Because really, it’s both. As a result of my biological issue, I don’t get a lot of sleep. And that’s where it crosses over into insomnia and into a mental health issue.
And that’s where people want to start telling me what to do with my health and with my body.
I know this issue isn’t unique to insomnia, and I almost feel lucky that I have this biological “excuse” for it.
