Cap’n Crunch is TRASH
KSL — SALT LAKE CITY — The people of Utah have spoken, and it looks like their favorite cereal is Cap’n Crunch.
A recent KSL.com poll showed that Cap’n Crunch received 11 percent of votes from readers. Honey Bunches of Oats came in second and Cinnamon Toast Crunch in third.
Welp. This poll just proves that Utah is a bunch of masochists. Cap’n Crunch voted the favorite cereal in the state is terrifying. Every time you eat a bowl of this trash the roof of your mouth feels like medium rare steak. I don’t care how good it tastes. If you eat Cap’n Crunch and you are okay with how your mouth feels afterwards, you’re a couple sandwiches short of a picnic.
Utah just likes trash cereals all around. Honey Bunches of oats is okay, but not worthy of 2nd place in the Beehive state. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the only one I would MAYBE put in my top 5. The thing that Cinnamon Toast Crunch has going for it is the horchata type milk left over in the bowl when your cereal is gone. Hard to argue there is a better left over milk than Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
I need to chastise the culture of Utah from time to time. I need to make sure the culture is on the strait and narrow. This KSL poll is telling me that is completely off somewhere in the mists of darkness. Therefore, I have decided to correct this poll and give you the true top 3 cereals. Here we go:
3. Fruit Loops with Marshmallows
Great design. Great taste. Great Mascot.
Look at that box! That box just pops out at you in the grocery store aisle. Perfect blends of colors and fonts. Also, brilliant idea to use the cereal as the letter “O”.
If you can have more than 2 bowls in one sitting there is no defense needed for the taste. It is truly an explosion of flavor and goodness with every spoonful.
Tucan Sam is iconic. Timeless. Classic. Not many other cereal mascots are in Tucan Sam’s neighborhood. Big ups Sam.
2. Rice Krispies TREATS
Snap, Crackle, and Pop… iconic. Unreal idea.
This cereal is one that words cannot describe the perfection of this cereal. To make a timeless dessert into a cereal? GENIUS. Everytime I eat a bowl of this stuff I want to yell “IT’S LIT FAM!!” with a couple of flame emoji’s behind it. It’s that good. You don’t believe me? Look at those reviews? 75 reviews and it has 4.5 stars? WHHHHOOOO BOI….
1. Reese’s Puffs
Just like the peanut butter cup or the pieces, or the sticks, you can’t just have 1 (bowl) of it. It is on a whole other level then the rest of the cereal pack. There is perfect blend of PB and chocolate. It’s not too rough to chew and swallow. It doesn’t get soggy fast. I could go on and on. This cereal is the New England Patriots of cold cereal. It really is that good.
I guarantee the KSL poll changes if they read this. There is no way all 3 of these get left off the list of top cereals. Tell me what you think is the greatest cereal (beneath these 3, of course.)
