Trying To Convey Every Aspect Of Story Through Dialogue. Comments Appreciated.

THE JOB by Bob Bires

In an office.

I’m here about the job.

What job?

The job.

There is no job.

Nevertheless, here I am.

Wasted your time.

Maybe.

If that’s what you wanted.

It’s my time.

Who sent you?

Sheila.

She shouldn’t have.

Why not?

Because it isn’t her job. Because it isn’t like a post on fucking Craigslist.

Where was it posted?

Nowhere.

Sheila knew.

That can be solved.

So there is a job.

I didn’t say that.

So you aren’t interested?

In you?

Yes.

No.

Why not?

I don’t trust your references.

You haven’t seen my references.

Exactly.

So why not find out?

No.

Gonna be hard to find other applicants.

Only if Sheila keeps talking.

I think you mean only if Sheila doesn’t keep talking.

How so?

I wouldn’t be here otherwise.

That was the point.

So there is a job.

I didn’t say that.

And it is clearly something you don’t want to do yourself.

You don’t know what I do or don’t want to do.

It’s unpleasant, I’d say.

Not to everyone.

So there is a job.

I’m not repeating myself for the second time.

You said there was, unpleasant maybe to some, but not to others.

Your interpretation.

“Not to everyone,” you said.

Life.

What?

Life is not unpleasant to everyone. Though it’s getting that way.

So no job?

You’re a broken record.

Sheila wouldn’t have misled me.

What did Sheila say the job was?

She didn’t.

So what are you doing here then?

My skills might be of use.

Good old Sheila. And what might those be?

My skills?

Smart boy.

I’m not saying.

And so our pas de deux continues.

Sheila didn’t say you were educated.

Maybe it doesn’t matter in this line of work.

Which is?

You’re a whippersnapper, aren’t you?

Just the man here for the job.

Lotta jobs out there these days. Economy’s looking up.

Not for this line of work.

Which is?

I’m not repeating myself for the second time.

Touche.

You sure play it close to the vest yourself.

That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m the keeper of the gate.

Sheila said you were the gate.

She’s kind.

Not anymore.

Why not?

She sent me on a bum lead, it would appear.

It would appear.

Why don’t you interview me anyway. I need the interview experience. You need the practice.

You’re wasting my time.

Partly true. Help me out. Help me get my foot in the door.

In the imaginary door.

Through the gate.

Careful.

Ask away.

So, you ever had a job?

No.

Then why are you applying?

To get more experience.

I thought you said you never had a job.

I haven’t. But I’ve done jobs.

Oh, a tough guy. Is that your resume? “I’ve done jobs”?

Pretty much.

That’s thin.

It was enough to get me work with Sheila.

Yeah? What did you do?

I have the skills if you are talking about the jobs.

Okay, then question 2. Just for shits. What if someone gave you a leopard?

Set it free.

In the city?

Yes.

Where would it go?

I don’t know.

Not a zoo?

Can’t set something free in a zoo. Let it go, give it a chance. It may not be much of one, but it’s a chance.

You’re one of those fatalistic types.

Yep.

That suit you in your line of work?

What line of work doesn’t it suit?

We are talking in circles, are we not?

That suit you in your line of work?

Interview over.

Two questions.

You and Sheila have a runaround like this?

She was straight with me.

She check your references?

Didn’t have to.

Because you’re that good.

She’d say so.

Would she?

Yes.

Did she?

No.

Well, then.

But I’m here. That’s something.

Is it now?

I’d say it is.

Miss Sheila knows how to pick ‘em.

She didn’t.

You said she sent you.

Misspoke. But I am here because of her.

She didn’t provide you with a job?

She did provide me with a job.

You’re a wordsmith, you.

Not my best skill.

What is?

Doing the jobs I’m good at.

Here we go again. And you didn’t do a job for Sheila?

This could have been easier.

No kidding.

Easier to acknowledge the job.

Gotta have the trust. I didn’t. I don’t. And I’m the gate.

It didn’t matter to Sheila.

That’s why Sheila isn’t the gate.

Everybody is a gate.

Now you’re a philosopher. No, everyone is not a gate. A gate is a job. It’s my job. I’m paid to do it.

By whom?

Not your damn business, pal.

Oh, it is. For where I’m going, everybody is a gate.

Is that right?

Yes.

Well, then Sheila?

Sheila only gave me directions. To you.

Great. Now I’m a tourist attraction, is that it?

I wouldn’t know. I’m not a tourist.

What are you?

The guy about the job.

So I’ve heard.

And you still don’t know about the job?

Nothing that I’m saying. I’ve got work to do.

No, you don’t.

You’re pissing me off now.

That’s not an option for you. You’re just a gate.

No, you are pissing me off.

You only open or close. It’s not an emotional decision.

That so?

And you don’t even decide.

Fuck you.

No point in getting angry about it.

I decide.

No, you don’t. I decide.

I’m gonna call Sheila, give her a piece for sending you my way.

Good luck.

I can punch a phone.

Her line’s disconnected, out of order.

Sez you.

I disconnected it.

Big talk.

Make your call.

No.

No?

What’s this about?

I told you at the start. This is about the job.

There is no job.

Yes, there is.

I’m telling you. I would know. There is no job.

There is.

What?

You.

END

FOR YOUR PLAYLIST: “Labour of Love” from Frente’s stunningly-good Marvin The Album sounds as fresh as when it was released. Plus, a recorder solo!

IDEAL LISTENING: This is a sit up, take note, and pay attention kind of song, just two instruments (mostly just a guitar) and a voice, but assertive enough to sit right among your favs on just about any playlist you could make.