Poem About Labor Day at Your University
Dear Faculty,
We trust that you are enjoying
Labor Day
From where you are standing
At this moment,
Right there by the chalkboard
In your classroom.
As you know,
The university’s staff
Has the day off,
But the faculty does not.
Please allow us to clarify this
Distinction, which you
No doubt feel
Has utterly robbed you of
Grilled hot dogs and
Pleasant seaside activities.
In a series of meetings held
In a secret underground bunker,
The university determined
That although teaching
Sort of looks like labor — mostly
Because you get up in the morning,
Put on clothing,
Eat a breakfast bar,
And go to your office —
It is not.
Yes, the university understands,
Insofar as an institution
Can understand,
That it may seem odd that you
Must labor on Labor Day,
As “Labor Day” does have
The word “labor” in it
And is regarded by many as
A national holiday on which people
Who hold various kinds of jobs
Do not labor.
However,
We would encourage you to dwell
Not on the term “labor,”
But rather on the word “day,”
For today is after all a day,
And such a pretty one, too!
Just look at that nice tree
Outside your classroom window.
We here at the top of
The university’s administrative
Food chain
Are made extremely
Uncomfortable
By the idea of
“Intellectual labor” —
More uncomfortable,
We think it is safe to say,
Than that time
Your colleague accidentally
Touched your boob
While reaching for
A piece of paper.
We would prefer
To think of what you do
In the classroom
(Generally referred to as “teaching”)
Not as actual work,
But as something
More along the lines of
Those adult summer camps
Or a hobby that has gotten
So out of control
That you require a craft shed
In your backyard.
Needless to say,
We recognize and admire
That you all became professors
Because you wanted to
Do What You Love®,
A cherished and treasured
Idea for all of us
Highly-paid, upper-level administrators
And the now-dead Steve Jobs.
We hope that you will appreciate
Not being folded into
A crude understanding of
What constitutes labor,
With its attendant focus on money
And days off,
And that you will bear
Our thoughtfulness in mind
As you reflect on,
And perform,
Your non-job of pure, unadulterated
Joy.
It is our impression that
Regarding the labor of
The university’s staff
As labor
And regarding teaching
As the relentless pursuit of passion
(In the manner of a thrilling
Car commercial
Set in the desert)
Has gone over extremely well
Across this great nation
And has led to no labor issues
Whatsoever.
So best of luck teaching
Bede’s Ecclesiastical History of the English People
Today,
And please do grab
A hot dog in the dining hall,
Which is open
And staffed by members of staff
Who are different from the members
Of staff
Who have the day off.
Cordially and Not With Or Without Love For Our Own Jobs,
The Administrators Who Control the Calendar
