Resolving To Find A Silver Lining
How do you make resolutions when you feel stuck in every area of your life?
The beginning of 2016 was filled with hope for my family. I was six months into a new job, my husband had scored a better-paying telecommute position, and we had high hopes that we’d spend the next few years paying off credit cards and student loans and buying a forever home in a new city.
Fast forward to 2017. Bobby’s been unemployed for nearly 9 months, and we’ve needed major adjustments to our household budget in recent months. He’s a stay-at-home dad for the time being, and I’m the sole breadwinner.
Christmas was hard as we balanced the desire to give gifts to our loved ones and our need to pay for things like rent and our power bill. We trudged into the new year feeling a little beaten up and more than a little stuck financially, emotionally and professionally.
It’s hard to start making resolutions when it feels like there’s nowhere to go and you’re flat broke. One of the first things I had to do was let go of the idea of setting any major financial goals for 2017. The best we’ll be able to do there is stick to our budget (which is admittedly its own challenge) and not go further into debt than we currently are.
I hate feeling out of control, and letting go of my goal to get out of debt has made me want to bury my head and hibernate until some money magically appears under my pillow (or preferably in my bank account). But that’s not going to happen.
On a recent episode of Gaby Dunn’s Bad with Money podcast, writer and all-around badass Ashley C. Ford shared some struggles she overcame to become the success she is. One thing she said that really stuck with me is that sometimes people who truly do know how to handle money simply aren’t in the right circumstances to save or pay off debt or even be financially stable.
I don’t claim to be great with money, but it does make me feel better to remember that this is temporary, even if it sometimes feels like it will go on forever. Things will change, and by the end of this year, it’s likely we’ll be in a different situation than we are now, even if we aren’t exactly where I expect or want us to be.
Financial resolutions are out, and a lot of common resolutions (joining the gym, taking a class, traveling) require money that we just don’t have right now. I have to set goals that make sense for where I am right now.
I hate that feeling of being stuck, and I don’t want to feel that way or be that way, so I knew I needed to give some serious thought to some reasonable goals that I could accomplish this year, regardless of our finances.
Instead of focusing on money, I chose to focus mostly on things that will make me happy, including my kids, my marriage and myself. I probably won’t get to sign my kids up for music classes this year or throw them over-the-top birthday parties, but I can read to them every night before bed. Bobby and I can’t go on extravagant overnight excursions while leaving the kids with a sitter, but we can ask friends to watch them for a few hours while we grab coffee and browse books at the local bookstore. I can’t join our local gym and purchase myself a new wardrobe, but I can drink more water and spend more time outside.
Even as I’m writing this, I’m realizing that this change in mindset, this challenge to be more creative and focus on what truly makes me happy is actually a big, fat silver lining to a tough situation.
My 2017 is going to look different than my 2016, but so will my 2018, 2019 and every year for eternity. Some years will be good and some years will be bad, but I will face them all with the resolve to continue finding that silver lining.
