We’re Gonna Save So Much $$ Now That We Can’t Buy Bacon!

That sausage is fatal news from the World Health Organization yesterday? Which should have come subtitled, “Meat Is Murder — Of Yourself”? Totally great from a frugality standpoint. After all, a Large, Original Crust pizza from Papa John’s costs around $12. A Large Original Crust Hearty Italian Meats costs $15.75.

By scrapping the scrapple, you save almost four bucks and, who knows, maybe four years of life.

What else costs less without salty carcinogenic toppings? Uh, everything. Meat is often expensive, which is appropriate considering its cost to the environment:

The global livestock industry produces more greenhouse gas emissions than all cars, planes, trains and ships combined. …
The recent landmark report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change found that dietary change can “substantially lower” emissions but there is no UN plan to achieve that.
Past calls to cut meat eating by high-profile figures, from the chief of the UN’s climate science panel to the economist Lord Stern, have been both rare and controversial.

Maybe now people will feel more justified in boycotting bologna. If you can’t see yourself letting steak slip out of your red-hot, buttery embrace, though, not even in the hopes of having a longer and less tortured life, you can seek some solace in the fact that, as Gizmodo puts it, “the future will be full of lab-grown meat.”

So many things that are “probably” or “definitely” carcinogenic cost kind of a lot of money, especially once you get them in the habit of enjoying them: cigarettes, alcohol, tanning beds, and now red and processed meats. You’d think that would make it easier to cut back. Sadly, human nature doesn’t work that way.

As you ponder our fallen state, Bloomberg’s excellent write-up of and you-can-play-with-it infographic about the news lets you examine other dangerous elements of our lives. Including, in some cases, our toxic jobs:

Some occupations may be linked to cancer, too, either through exposure to carcinogenic substances or because of the way the body reacts to certain behaviors. Working nights, which interferes with the body’s natural circadian rhythm, was designated a probable carcinogen in 2010.

Gosh, there are so many things to worry about these days besides power lines. Don’t despair, though! Think of Lisa Simpson. She’s happy. And she’s made enough gazpacho for all.