Modern Dating: Excuses Incubator

I’ve had a lot of advice thrown at me over the 22 years I’ve been alive — some good, and some bad.

It always amuses me to observe reactions of others as I tell them what the modern dating scene is like today. I was describing a situation to a friend of mine about a girl I’ve been seeing for the past few months, and how we’ve moved from ‘casual’ to being ‘I guess we’re seeing each other now’ when feelings get involved, but how you don’t want to freak the other person out by moving too quickly. He looked at me like I was crazy, with a hint of a “thank god I don’t have to deal with this” sort of look.

He was right to think that. It is a bit crazy.

The dating scene has become disposable. Our whole generation has become a generation of disposability. Everything in our generation has such a short life-cycle. Everything from electronics, to relationships, all doomed for a young death.

But why? This shouldn’t be the case when it comes to people.

It’s the FOMO — Fear Of Missing Out on something out that there that might be better. Fear of the unknown. As a generation, we are so worried about whether we’re making the right choice, and as a result, always having one foot out the door in case someone better comes along. We’re basically shooting ourselves in the foot because we never fully commit, and do everything in our power not to. This carries on even when we’re dating the person and things start to get hard. We jump ship because, well, we can, and there’s so many more fish in the sea that it’s easier to do that than actually deal with what’s in front of us.

Through the constant noise of the time we live in, we constantly feel the need to be entertained.

Let’s cut the shit. I just want to shake our generation sometimes and say wakeup! Relationships are not electronics. Stop looking for another one as soon as it starts to have a little issue.

It’s time to get back to the fundamentals. They haven’t changed. Admittedly, I am a bit of a romantic and I still believe in deep connection and true love. One thing will always rings true though:

If someone is into you, they will find a way to be with you. No exceptions.

This is the one rule that has never gone away, never wavered, never been disproven. Yet when I try to tell someone who is single this rule, they genuinely never believe me.

“You don’t understand. Dating is different nowadays.”

“She’s just gotten out of a relationship, so she wants to take things slow.”

“She’s just really independent so she likes to be alone most days.”

“No, no, you don’t get it. He’s got a super busy job, so it’s just hard for him to make time for me.”

“She’s just spending a lot of time with the girls lately.”

Don’t get me wrong. Just because someone loves to hang out with you doesn’t mean they’re your soulmate, but if someone won’t make time for you, then they aren’t into you. The relationship is going nowhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s 2016 or 1986. It doesn’t matter if someone is shy or busy or sleepy or nervous or attached to someone else. As human beings, we can’t help ourselves when we’re into someone. It’s a literal drug. It’s the best feeling chemicals in the world that urge, urge, urge you to be in the company of the person who makes you produce those happy vibes.

This advice isn’t for everyone. If you’re young and want to fuck around for a while, you go do that. But when you’re over that and want something real, that’s the time to stop playing games and find someone who really wants to be with you and isn’t going to give you the common excuses of the modern dating scene.

When both people stop playing games, that’s when the real connection begins.