Oct 20, 2020
The birth of my husband (Part 11).
(And the birth of my kids with me back again.)
Read all parts of the story
Left with the people with no love, until he comes around.
You might be changed for the worst. All people wanting you, using you and then you expect me to want you that way, that I won’t. I was hanging into long to stay good, will I do others, no I won’t either. That will be your toughest part of understanding, after all, them. Brainwashed into their hollow love.
It is a difference when one raped another, and you come with kids to your one, because of them. All shocked, a young man, thinking to be deceived, but by who?
Because of them not believing, because of those in a lie around you.
Because of your own behavior fall down into that idea, because you went down with them, you expect me to have fallen down, but I never did.
Set up to dates, set up to kiss, set up to sex, always wanted you. So, who tried I always strived, why? You do not have a one? Who are you then, to me, wanting this?
I do not understand the step towards the people as if the one is not there. I do not expose him, as it is none of their business. We were asked our entire lives, so people start exploiting from early on, to kids, who do you love? Shouldn’t you marry someone here? Are you in love? What does he look like? I would explain your look, but never your name, that I always knew.
I wasn’t the one starting the first kiss, he turned out even gay. And some more of that, and then kids. Some I even did love, some I did wonder, is it you? Else they never had me. Some were just people around setting me up, and thus I had kids. I gave them all, my kids, as I do love my kids, I gave them a better life, although more shallow people took that life from them. They live in a world of low literacy, dumbness, and thus many crimes, and thus no real relationships.
I was lucky with people around marrying their only one. So, I was raised this way. Still, I do not see how others can fall down.
I see you can be used, you can be hurt, you can have been dumb as a child thinking I was right there, but there is a point ya grown and married the wrong one, the lie above me. That I don’t do. I live like a nun, but I do not forgive like one.
I do not believe I am an interesting apology, God has his own words for you. He trusted you and still trusts you do what he gave you within his heart. I can, you must.
I have the right to live this way without explanation.
It is not just gender or just a belief, it is how one is born though. I am not on the market, only for my one. That is also not making vulnerable for abuse by the one. Only criminals abuse a nun. But this is also not married to God only but in a way it is. The way I am made.
I perhaps pray the same, sad for all the hearts without their one.
I was ready to help ya to them, then the world doesn't do that everywhere, some places do.
I do feel hurt for all in love with me, besides my one, I do love to save all, and I know how marriage can safe a lot, but then he has less. Despite what he did, he has less to become better. I just find it dumb he does not find the same trick, staying faithful, and dumber how others caused that. But at the same time, any marriage is hollow that is not with two ones. I know the same, I was never married, thank God, but I have kids. The entire story around that shows many people with crimes, and who solves them? But at a point, again, you are grown and must be done with that.
The children will have a heart too, so, I gave them that, a real heart.
I know what that means, I know how these families always had the one, some around me not, still searching, still the trouble to others and me, but lots did. It is more common, those just making some kids with me, are seen as extreme criminals. I understand that I could have picked out so many good men, so many better men, than that. And good men do not do that. They have their own heart.
I understood their mistakes too, I can look like theirs, it must have been to some, as they are too sweet men.
I knew, at a point, we find out, is it him? They find out is it me? No, it is not. So, I know she will know already she isn’t it, never was, and you know too, but the entire world knows that too, they all have a heart. So, refuse the people around, just do.
It has now two sides
The look, like that, dumbness out of just being man and woman in a bed, and not understanding yet what one says, or the kept dumb, just doing someone, and now every conversation is so dumb. Cute young people doing all for the first time, wondering what one means, is cute, still the same mistake and thus not understanding each other is simply dumb. I do not get old that way.
I just hope ya get the heart to see what it all means.
I know it takes all the people to do their true heart, and also, you growing up. I can only stay true, but I do not take the idea I am then cheap. I am not. I expect you to grow up, understanding that, too, besides the long road of being alone, like a nun. You will see happy people, not afraid of you. You will see criminals too dumb to exist abusing you. But you will also see me. A person is not pretty in a fake world. A person is pretty when it is true to the heart. It is also, a level not shown unless you are doing that. You can not know what I see when you are not faithful to your heart, the way you are born.
