The birth of my husband. (Part 2)
(and the birth of my kids back with me again.)
It has this time in the “womb” and the time together, where we will have celebrations.
I wondered about him, and people that took marriage as an economic opportunity, or any other opportunity, were someone in the womb, they might never have known of, and came together with the way their parents did this, and the way environment encouraged them too, or keeps them in this world, of exploitation, the way they do the market, or beliefs that rule the people.
We lived with centuries of love, the way homo sapiens are human, and wise human, and did things naturally, from this group of homo sapiens, in love. We had to have one. And if you think of mirrors, which are made since 6000 BC, all humans before, the millions of years of human, and the 350.000 years of Homo Sapiens had no mirrors, only the last 8000 years. And maybe 10.000 years this idea for the mirror, until finally, one worked out well, to be named mirror. But a mirror teaches you about you, and about how you move, and look, and behave. The mirror gives you insights. So, it could be in nature it would be better for a human to have a mirror. Where daydreams, deep instinct about the one fitting you could be your survival. When wanting to die, staying alive for someone, and your future dreams, where you are part of a family, also beyond the times your own parents and family are gone, making a new family with, your mirror. The love you see an entire life. The one you look into the eyes with everything you do, that you actually see, if you did not look in a mirror, but into to the reflection of what someone else thinks of you, to be your mirror. And the reflection of kids together growing up, seeing each other grow, to have more insights on your own growth. The way you learn from having kids, and family. And in times where most die, because life is hard, you have just a few or no one left at a time in your life. The human did not get old but needed to survive, with parents, and even those died. So, humans staid with who was left in life, randomly. But we do not just want everyone's opinion, only from this one we love the most, that one we can trust the most, and with whom we have a family with. The one person that matters the most, and is why we marry them. If those are your mirror in your entire life, you also know the look in their face and their appearance. So, you can recognize them, when you meet them, then you will not be confused. And that one worked hard for you, thus needs you to recognize them. This could help survival of the human. Assuring mirror, love mirror.
It is like the birth of your child.
Read here The birth of my husband (part 1).
Through sickness and health.
I have been those who had this and were obsessed to be with me, making me pregnant, and pretend I did it. All the twists, and then always sicker, or trying to have the same illness, when I am ill. Sleeping 18 hours a day, sounds to them as if I act. To them, all doctors are lying along with me. To them, I found a golden way to earn money. To them, I am the super person doing life well, with medicine, and a diagnose and money. Note. These people are typed narcissistic officially, and in the least, because they had more complex problems and are narcissistic to others, they work for and used me for. Groomers, loverboys, drug addicts, alcoholics, addicted, users, abusers, with phases how they groom and meet people, and create a life around them. And to expand their crime scenes. People are used, and the way all criminals look days and months, and some years to their victims. Predators, watching all routes, all people I go with, all I do, and it turned out since my 14 years old. All planned out. And with many things to make it sound vaguer what they actually do. And then pretend I made me pregnant, wishing the kids made death, and constant telling they would die, and be death. So, planned the deads. And in a constant play, a scene, like a theatre where they display new people they found to be a part of their sect, actually. Their group, which came from sects, and abuse. Totally lost themselves, and assuming the entire world is the way they perceive it, while it never is. But anything you do they use and sounds to them as if it is the way they think it is, and in any way used.
To me, I want to work, and not be ill. And wonder why I slept that time 18 hours per day, it was so sudden since meeting one of them, and not getting rid of them all, as a group, and luckily had doctors recognizing and their crimes and illnesses, and the way they work, and recognizing my physical illnesses, and working with me on a plan to still get what I want, my life, a life, my work, my expanding of my work, which I worked on since I was little.
The contrast of what love always had been to me. How I am always loved by many, and just had a few lovers, which were all a bit the same, so this work on me, that apparently had happened around my world, and all I know, and all of us, and my lovers, stood out as weird, cold, no real love, and shallow, and hollow. So, I was lucky to have had always very deep relationships. Besides, I luckily actually only do my one, and these people in my life before this group, actually mostly too. We are a group with deep feelings, and not shady deep criminals deep, but really deep feelings, and highly developed people. Which the shallow lack. But is always the only weapon against crimes. As they will always be in contrast.
My, our grandparents, coming from the deepest love, and centuries, thousands of years, I know now, since I know our DNA, thousands of years of the same way of love. Love is exactly as they explained it, and exactly the way a mirror is like, which they did not mention but the way they love came down to the same. Always together with the one, they love the most, the one they choose as a mirror, for their entire life. Deep love, which made me as a grandchild feel lucky, and aware all people need such loving grandparents, and loving parents, but when one of them did not work out, and one of the other did, you still live this deep love. So, they named themselves, centuries-long, granddad, and grandmom, the bigger dad, the bigger mom. Thus were mom and dad too. And explained was, for if the ones you have do not know yet what to do, or things do not work out. And they added, everyone has parents, also when they have died, so I am still a child too, of my mom and dad, although they are dead now. And we all have that, and when we speak to other old people, we always speak of our mom and dad too, aware we are just their kids. So, you will grow up, but will remain a child too, well that way we are also a bigger mom and bigger dad, but still a child. Even our parents remain a child, even in heaven, the kids of their parents they always remain. So, it is not to rule your mom and dad, but to help them a little, as we all need still a little help when growing up, only it is rare, the most they know themselves. We are not much needed, and that is good, so we can rest now, as all older people need a rest. But that is how this stays balanced. And it is luck when you have parents, and they cried, always when talking about their parents, and would say, and see we cry, always, when we speak of our parents because we always miss them, and know we have been lucky to have known them, many kids lost their parents way earlier, we were lucky to have lived with them many years.
I only have the luck to experience my love more like a mirror. And the way I was raised was all people stay alone until they have the one. And all of that is only your own choice for love. But then I add the one I have as my “mirror”.
The mirror always knows, but when growing up people try to not let you know and take you. If it was God putting us apart, it would have been a plan, but it was not. There were people there, and all young people should not be just together, all alone. You end up in emptiness, not in the lesson of real life, and where all then is. The people around taking us from life, filling us up with input, and then away from our dreams, in a facade to become who we are, actually only exploited. There in that exploitation, we learned to pretend, that happened. Who was not good at this facade taken. And the once left with the facade, far away from their hearts, and put together. As if this ever was our hearts and meant. So, I could feel God never planned bad things on me and tried to explain to everyone what life had to be. They did not listen, as they had distractions, all day long people trying to take them away. So, we all were in “away”. The mirrors looking and none with them. All mirrors thinking in the way a reflection on glass is, while the real mirror is a real soul telling what you are. A talking mirror. And your mirror on the wall never talks back, so it is strange we never saw a difference, between them.
I know we will never have the weak moments where the dark one comes to exploit the light one. When ill, never the strive who is more ill, and the hurt the one not able to defend. The marriage something he works on, and thus will be his problem. The feeling I know he has, and know he feels inside all the time, and tells on him, how he actually feels, and is not that we move them in opposite directions in our mirror, we can, we can play that game, as kids we played it so much, we even lift our eyebrows in the same direction as if we look in a real mirror. Mirroring. But the talking mirror, the talk on me. Who I am, to his opinion, what he sees. I know in my weak moments what he thinks should happen. Saving me, to survive.
I did wonder why he taught me to walk, to stand, to eat, and stay safe. For whom? If he takes someone else later on?
We got married when I was 3. He taught me to bow. He taught me to play the flute at 5. We did all together. I asked everyone if they could see him. I found it strange they never could find him. All would have a marriage one day, so how do you think one gets love? Just random a stranger? I found everyone so strange thinking that. But my family had real ones, real hearts, and came from a big group of people, all doing the same, centuries-long, thousands of years, this was humanity, I knew.
Not looking bad when ill, but cheating on everyone around us, to be together, to help each other in sickness. As some were just living up to been put together, we lived together. Were we just put together?
He was not just attending. Not just attending to take care of me, because he had too. He always just did, the true colors of two people interested.
He was always feeling for everyone, and able to take care of me, and us, and him.
Feeling inside the mirror protects you, knowing he will treat you, and fittingly to what you know. What we know. It is made together. The mirror split in two, just because the earth did, and has continents. He could have been next door, I always wished that.
I would make a door on my wall to his room.
He could have been made where he was to what they did. He could have had a different culture. But he had no mask. He has a real heart, carrying for me. Then why these girlfriends, if he had them? I did not have boyfriends but had some. Would he have had them the same ways? And there were ways, not one way. Would all understand the damage a fake one is? Or the use of someone, that has one mirror in their heart, which is not your reflection. I loved the good men, saving me, they always saved me, not for their obsessions, and to rape me, to bind me and say we have kids. But the real men, really looking my one, and his reflection. I just confused is this him. Would he be confused, and take someone looking like me?
The men showed me who he might be. But I learned one day to never fall again, and never play along because he is not ever in someone else. Even when I am in danger, I had to now forever stay alone, so he can come.
What is the point of being with someone, no matter if they are put with ya, or you choose them, while you must stay free for your one? What if both have someone, no matter how done.
We still can walk to each other as we always did. But it is a crime in reality, what those people did. To their hearts, to the other person inside, living in that mirror. Life is hard enough.
I did not want to hurt my mirror. I anyways believe in the one. No matter what I had right or wrong, I love this instinct of love, to been born with one matching me best.
We could wait for software that finally can calculate the right one, as I know who he is, and some more people must have found their one, thus could verify if that work is done correctly. But all comes down to this truth, not a machine. The machine must be made with truth, to serve the ones not able to see so clearly. The ones able to see worked hard to get there, to such a machine.
So, I gave it my heart, tears, and soul. The way I was made, all cried many times, all was hard work. But we survived, and I know what that luck is, of people searching for the one, and being successful. Even if you would fail, it would only be, because you were a little less good at seeing, or sensing, or your one was death. That is no blame to you. The others, some are luckier, find their one. All around the lonely, left alone, in between the family, as together with these new families, you would just be now, with one, waiting to become one.
That sweet, everyone has a part, thus the ones never finding him, could just keep their roles, and be alone, but together. Every home had one or few never married. All part of the things we did together. All part of this we all wait for our own one. Some tried some people, we were told not to ever judge, just let them come home, besides the ones alone, and the ones married. All would have their parents luckily married, with the one, and if that had failed, which sometimes happen, they still had the older moms and dads, showing their love. So, you would always be raised in this idea of love.
God, had given you your own path.
The other bad people, without these good homes, trying young people, kids, families, “smaller” to their ideas. Secretly, bold, abusive, rude, when the mask falls, targeting, grooming, and waiting for these moments to come, to let you fall. Building up to the fall, to play with you. A fake setting, shallow, as if this is it. Where all sit around in a circle in a play, and you enter to think they are the circle of your good family, where nothing would happen, tried to look like them, and then suddenly a moment, the way you somewhere deep down feared, then aware you never feared at your family, thus your feelings to tell you. The at night abuses of childcare, the when the teacher closes the door, the abuse to kids, the pedophile getting the kids alone, after a facade, or after a trying to see how negative all can get, so they can blame the negative people. While those tried to get rid of that person and fakely agreed, not even knowing why such tried them. It is not real-world, but made everywhere, to earn on people, and to steal their lives. Working to the moment to pretend this is the new world, to adjust too. The way some steal animals, to keep.
A surface where right under hides emotional abuse.
Do you want to know your mirror? Ask for empathy, is it fake, is it real, what do you feel? Pass the love bombing, and ask again. Talking, and bored with what you say? And not showing empathy. Start the argument? Here it is easy to find out if he is tempted. Mean, because of hurt, missing you.
The deep strength you will need to pass this. And the luck if you find out what it all is, others. Others are now the input, “near”. All are born that the “near” is far, and along the way, they are so much around, they sound more near than you.
Once you were all his heart. So try that again and again. Try to make that time shorter. But when you meet early, you will have to be also like parents, or like young parents of your own kids. All moments in life you will meet him will have its time. At a time you will know you have passed it all, also when you have passed it all again and again. As it has a lot more waves in the middle, thinking constantly now we are there, it is all done, let that promised marriage come.
If he got married, he still always secretly wishes you. If you meet him then, he can answer many things, not even the truth. But over time, he will come. Keep going through this. One endless not married is easier than two married. Be that bigger one.
When he is the way again, as in the beginning, or never lost himself, you won know saying no, but if you would he can like that.
You can ask him about his exes. Are they best friends? Or the most horrible? And nothing in between? Or does he know this grey area in time? Try to get him in balance. To the real story in his heart. The one only you and he knows. If you were married to him, what would you fear? That he has a secret story. Now you know, that secret story is you, so use that. Work with that. Ask him to work with that too. You the thing he hides from everyone if he hides his real heart to the people he is now with. It is how you know he is not that bad in sickness and health, at all. He is to them. See the wire in his relationship, he suddenly had them, they miss the beginning, and the end. They had him a while. That is actually a false persona, as we were just put together, and he was sweet, thinking what to do with these? And got stuck with them.
Ask him for his empathy, see him melt.
Secretly, you know you are his mirror, and he helpt you through the same, some other time. Or could if you would be young, and soon you could be sent out to get married, in cultures where they arrange marriages.
Imagine if he had seen that. Torn on the other side of the world. Sad, this is his bad life, loving the one, doing all he can, and you send away, sold.
So, you at least can get together.