The birth of my husband. (part3)
And the birth of my kids with me back again.
Read part 1 and 2, too:
A fake self. Born from people, my grandparents on my mom's side, that were the one, of each other, even their astrology says, while they never looked that up, but I can see now, now everyone can see anything, online, all easier to find out, I know what is not a being fake, I know to be true, and what that does. But some do not even understand who they are, fake, or real, and assume all is fake, in life. I learned my whole life, mainly because their grandparents, parents, environment was not with their ones, there is the pain of creating a fake self. It is why my grandparents and all before knew, to be real, and true, and better find true love, it has no point in not too.
Not understanding what it means to have one, one. They tell each other things and is why they are alone with other people. Fallen for the sociopaths, for criminals, that need new people in a certain look, and these fake selves in any way are far from the truth already, thus are easy. And they would say things to make it sound as it all does not matter anymore, now. Now, you have fallen. But those fake selves forgot there has been work done, by criminals, making you think this way. They did not show you the routes to the real heart, they made a fake heart for you to follow, and to end up in troubles with, they make a sound as if it is normal, and nothing bad.
Us, just all who we are. And we would be searching, that, my grandparents knew. It does not mean we would date just any. When you are married all try the same thing, same as when you are alone. You need to be strong now, to be strong then, my grandparents would say. If one loves you, they care for your heart and story, and who you think you should be with. They do not marry you, as your heart is taken. It says right away all about the taker, taking you away from your story. While marriage is only about this true story. They had seen all die, who had bad marriages, and knew you will not live long when not with the one. You could end up alone, but then remained with your parents, and would live. You would only be in trouble when away from your parents and with the wrong people. There is no logic in moving away to strangers. The parents have to know where and with who you are, so they can understand what will happen to you and can help you. Grownups understand a lot in life, well those old people, in the past centuries always were smart, as nothing else survived. True love was a logic.
My grandparents could be this way, as their parents and all centuries all before them were this way. And they always found someone, so, you would think, impossible when just a few live, the earth had not yet many people, these few they all only had their one, some kids, and knew who to take? How? We would think, with just a few, when we take one, it could be wrong, because it is just next door love, and the one can live anywhere in the world. Did our grandparents know the entire world then? To be sure? That their one is not from far away? They always found their one, they always did, their astrology charts even says they have. I could see that now, and I know they never saw that, before. Especially not with the understanding of today on that, the internet is full of people sharing, there are also more people on earth, and the story got more deep and detailed now. My grandparents and all their family read books, but all the astrology books? I wonder if their library, which was a “bus” idea of a library, coming to the houses, with horses, those rent that to kids? No, I know they had girl's books and boy's books. They never told they had astrology books coming by horses. It was a magical feel that bus, with books, for kids and the family, but I am pretty sure they had not all books compared to today. I could see today, astrology shows the truth about my grandparents and their parent's true love. It was exactly that same story. I know how they met, that was not demanded, it was the heart, and they felt this for their loves and thus were allowed to get married, and it took some time, as the families wanted to be sure. The love was so much, they were at first a bit scared, what if these kids mistake? And then, the same love got them through, it lasted, it would be good, and it did, they lived a long time together, as families, also in each other's homes, and took care of each other. They already had in the past as well, during the wars, sharing food. So, they knew each other too, somehow. But it was not an arranged marriage at all. It was the type of at parties they met cousins and their friends, and fall in love. But the parents never thought of stopping the kids from bringing their friends, bringing their friends had always worked out well, as that is what mainly got married, centuries-long, some friend of the family, through some cousin. And they turned out to be a far cousin too. Which science now knows are having most kids, anyways. And is healing to DNA, to marry a cousin. Best friends are a lot of times cousins too, while they do not know it, but DNA tests show. True, I had lots of best friends and always turned out to be cousins, actually. But some just in the shared names in the families, far away, and some more near. So, DNA today can show all this, it could not back then, we just friended easily, and it turned out a region full of cousins. I noted only, our grandparents indeed shared the same lifestyle, all the stories were very equal.
It is anyway, pretty to realize what love is because they had that. Even when you do not understand astrology, or never saw anything of it, like them, they saw not much of it, not that many books, who could have bought them? They had one book, I saw grandma had one little book, on her own sign, she had no idea what an astrologer could see. She saw lots though, with her own heart, all in line with this, and all those families did. They all had a good heart, sensing lots of truth. The cutest thing, because they were real.
At eighty she grabbed grandpa another time to her side while telling me, “I still love him, I did all my life. We always loved each other and we still do. “ It is cute to read on this now, they are this true love, indeed, I know, we all know. Meant to get married, and their kids meant to be from that marriage. It is how it felt indeed, and that is such warm love inside, always with you.
Their own parents had true love, too, astrology says, and their own stories said the same, they also loved their parents a lot. As they were so loving and so good to kids. Grandma’s parents, perhaps from a past life, it does say they are their past lives marriage, and love. So, that could have been Irish, English, French, they have those ancestors, my DNA shows. And they were raised like this, which is common in those countries, to love. And perhaps they are coming back in the family constantly. I hope so, we all hope so, we all loved them so dearly, that we know, if that is possible, that will.
Perhaps there are some more countries attached to this love story, but this is what I can know from my DNA, they were at least at some point from there, so perhaps a past life, or life before they were from more far away. Grandma’s grandma her hair looked a 4c hair, from Africa, I still carry 20% Subsaharan on some chromosomes and am mixed with lots of tribes, and countries, and continents, so, I expect at one point in time family from very far away, although now, I seem English mainly, which I am mainly, now.
The other side my grandpa’s parents, true love, also a past love, a romantic love, that now turned into a wealthy marriage. English, London mainly past centuries, also Scottish, Eastern Europe, Welsh, a love. Mixed with perhaps some more countries, but this is all I can know. And because all are so English, I am still half an English. So, it is pretty much all I see. I also saw we are English at least almost 3000 years Before Christ. So, in the past 5000 years, how many times did they come back?
It is a beautiful story, as I knew them, and knew this true love, and their every child would tell it, even us, their grandkids. It was impressive love, so true.
Waiting for your one was very easy this way.
My last name a middle eastern one. Afganistan is where it comes from a site on the internet says, but it is a name that is found everywhere and has lots of changes, so many names are the same name.
My dad's parents also meant. How would they have known, they lived even more nearby. But they did not wonder their one was far away, they somehow must have known who they were, actually to them.
Together my parents were not meant to be married to each other at all, but they lived a plan from my grandparents. There was a total plan.
I know them all connected in some ways, as cousins, all of them. Some same core, somehow in the families. And when you put them together, they all lived as grandparents and before true love and married them, and our parents had a mission. Some god points moments.
It is a bit unclear to me, what that must have been through their lives, perhaps my grandparents noticed such in their childhood, or their lives. And it was typical and doing a plan from their parents, which was love, and some had positions in power to do something with that, and some had been good friends, so together as a group, they did something with missions, but those show God’s points at some points in their lifetimes, and big Jupiter, Pluto, Saturn in 60 degrees with a point to the top and to friends. Changing our lives, but not meant as a random bad choice.
Their marriages must have been some other big choice.
So, there is this big plan, where the names come from. And all those families. And some plans, where our grandparents and centuries before had true love, as we grew up with the stories and can find that nowadays in their charts.
But also, our own parents with missions. Something totally different. It might help to know Millenial seaculum is the real name for the boom, X and us, and our kids. And we live a lot more true loves again, like those grandparents and before.
It is interesting to find out why this happened. The abuse that is done to them, by some, the experiments, institutions, are even bigger crimes, then. As they needed more freedom, and no brainwash, just the love of their parents, which was true love, to do their own missions.
I note. That they divorced was not our big problem, some make it earning today, trafficking kids, exploiting them, pretending it is a market, but we were fine with divorced. But just do not do that for us, only when one was bad for us, mainly. We believe, like our grandparents, and parents in variations of the norm. We all never believed in institutions and was always fascism and not human rights. So, all the centuries people were seeking freedom, because that is actually, only best. And today in all studies it is explained to never do that, not one job like that. We must be with no force and work to personal life. Where people decide who or what they want. Also, care is only allowed if the person wants such, and has to be done in the way they want. So, the fascists show to not been death, yet but are a few. And tried the rest of us.
The centuries-long no one wanted them, but Hitler could become that feel. And all worked against that, and the human rights made that way impossible. That some still try to be alike, shows the brainwashes in their own childhood and the bad things done to them, which is not a good normal life. Else they had been like all of their generations, having a good mission, to be good. Coming from this true love.
You hear them speak totally differently, and not be the same as most of the world. Who falls for that? Not us.
So, a fake person, we easily detect. They think “Oh cute people, let’s use them!”, as they do not know the power of true love, and how we easily detect them, the criminals. This, all criminals do not see, they are always foolish, thinking they own enough people, with human trafficking, and exploitation, and get mad when you say otherwise. They feel to steal people, for them. Trying to use our countries and us all. While we lived so differently, where we easily see how rare they are, trying all people, and lack so much. They see the things they see. There is a gap between their world and ours.
They fall into the gap, thinking they never will fall, as they are meaner, and we seem weak, soft, sweet, and that they never became. And they can easily say they are like us, they think, and be like wolves in sheep's clothes, they think, because we would be dumb, while they are, as it is proven, criminals are not the smartest. Love they can not see as strong, while it is the only way how humans survived, and with only true love, not just a going around and grab someone. They miss the true hierarchy. So, we know what they lacked. They miss the knowledge of their true positions, as a loved one. And from who that had to be, and how that had to be.
They think, they easily enter our world, it seems so. They do not know the hierarchy behind true love. The two parents you recognize as true love. And their kids are all they do all for. Also, their own parents, and in the way, we are taught. Nowhere a criminal is accepted, and we can truly know who is or is not one.
They grew up with economical ideas, or abuses, you had to hide. We not. When it is, there is this entire work on the criminal. As we all know that is strange behavior, not possible from this loving raising. There, criminals get more confused, as if we live brainwashed, or love is a brainwash. Love is taking criminals, but is that not stealing a person? They do not see the right and wrong, and when something is right.
No, love is love but accepts no crime. So, when a child is bad, we do not see that as a criminal. That is another difference. They are raised with the idea kids must be lower, smaller, made small. Not at all, kids will be grown, and true love knows, you better raise them well, but also, really loves them. They are your wish, else you would not have kids, as there is no rape, no fake person, no fake marriage, in true love.
There is only true love and the logic of kids, of development in love. So, when I was raped, that was a shock, as that is not my family. Not, my grandparents, and all before. So, I see how the criminals get in, and we were warned for this, I see through who they come, and the family would ask them, why? Why ya got here, and caused all this to her? As such walk in on me, by some others. And when the family got “weaker”, less of them alive.
Where criminals love to come around when all are gone and can pretend you got lonely. As those themselves born with an empty heart, see this time as lonely, and we miss so hard, so much. Them, always lonely, between the people, using everyone. Not able to be alone, as the world is their supplies, and supplies they need.
Those never learned from true love, and forever alone after the death of their spouse. They might know the fakers, that were sick of life and now staid alone too as my grandparents would have. That is not the same world at all. One never understands staying true forever, and thus alone, after, which is not lonely, even when you miss. There is a deeper world, where you are with someone, the way you got them, and the way you shared, and that always will be shared. It is the one in your heart, no matter where they are. And to these never learned from love, it feels like it does not exist. The way a child can wonder, but these are “mature”, grown, and still never found this a truth. I think because of the abuse done to them, as the voice inside changes to the noise of outside, and they become criminal, and not themselves, anymore. You need peace, love, yourself, and hear the voice inside. The road you have. Even when it is unclear, because God is arranging two lives, and the wait can be long, or your one can die at some point. You do live a life. Your life and true love has peace with that. Unless outside world comes with pressure and lies and frauds, trying to brainwash and change your inner voice. The human rights mean, all born with human rights, their own life, and all must help them get that, and to their own conscientious, does not mean, control them, or deny the voice inside. It means do nothing, but the basic needs, and all your love, without controlling others, and see what is inside.
What do kids actually say? What do you actually say? What could your one actually say? And when unclear do not fill up, for them. Let them be. It can take some time. Our grandparents could get married very old, for the first time. Or never. All accepted.
We know where that family stands when it is not accepted. All the other families would try to make you understand the truth inside. All share their love story, so you can try to find inside what you have. See, the differences, the variations of the norm, is their advice.
Love your child, no matter what, and no matter their dreams, but hear the dreams. Understand they are innocent and just dream, and one day they go out and seek it. Let them. Ours would add, God decides, and most parents would say.
Over time we see how rare our own stories are, even when all are happily married, like my grandparents, and their parents, all meant. They both got kids with not the meant marriage, and not meant with each other, they did take each kid as their own, also these two, as inlaws.
They had their logic, all together in how to solve. And came to this conclusion, where there is never a really good solution for kids from cops, and military, where your parents, or in my case, my dad is not just yours, but a veteran. Which is the solution to their idea, cause if all sacrifice a bit, all is solved, in life, for all. So, there is a logic.
And it did change my childhood and environment, and it is the honor the other parents gave him because he solved with the other cops, military, the area, at that time.
And the break-up, the divorce, with the many “problems”, never had the real good solution, ever. But actually over time, when all have missions, and dreams, we all can live like that. That can happen to you. Even more clearly studied, human always was random together, just whoever staid alive, with those you were left.
So, my parents are the first generation, with their parents, that mainly all survived, after wars. Only the war could kill people, but care was a lot better already, that people got old.
So, there is more to who had worked on this and sacrificed in some ways for humanity. It is gone better, with the environment I lived in, what he made, and she lived in with us. The other parents trying their all to give some back, to us.
And all lived very happily there. It was a logic to these smarter parents, and they all together had an idea, which was a bit like my grandparents and their parents, thus we all got the same life, somehow. The way it was meant.
Doing what we all loved, and able to accept things, because we all become.
I only expected all Dutch regions this way, but I see now, no, we were just lucky ones. And that the mission turned out in the end to a solution, somehow with forgiveness to all sides of the issue he worked on. And all that lived there, saw lots of things they wished worked out. We did have loses, we shared. And were lucky one family, somehow.
It is good to know, the family names they all had, were lots of them, also in my family. So, we had luck. And when I lived with parts of these families in the other regions, we did not always have this luck, kids today, and they say their entire lives, kids lived worse, than us.
So, his mission gave me a better life. And a view for us all, in this country, all should get what we had. And expand that. That luck, for all.
And we see that criminals had another life, they had not this way of life, where we all had somehow the same life, and even dads can have missions or other family members, and all still works out. We never needed much, but that region, ourselves, our lives, and all would become, pretty much out of itself, and with lots of peace, and respect, and acceptance. If you needed something, you could also get it, it was a richer environment, all was there, if you decided to need more, but who needed that? Not many. And not in the way more poor regions, think people need, as those sell and use people. It is a totally different world, where hunger forces people into crimes. Crime hunger we did not have, at all. We all had our lives, and that is very calm water. The other regions can be very disturbed, by the people living there, in hunger, and frauding, lying, trafficking people, feed abuse, and create criminals. It is unbelievable, how their kids, made these calm waters in my region, where I was born. How they all made that together, for us, and came to peace, while their birth regions in other parts of this country, were till today so unstable. My kids had no life there, none of the kids had, nor the families living there. All targeted, emptied, hurt, abused, been through the roughest water.
You could see the differences between grandparents when you were little. We hardly had differences between them, we could see true love everywhere. I could find many of the same. Truly the same way. But if one was different, mean, fighting, bad, we would have seen that easily. So, we also saw they all did not, not differ much.
I did wonder how does this all goes? How can they all have found love? While the time before me, after them, was so extreme, so loose, so not love, but them thinking sex with everyone is love. And it is not how they raised us when that time was finally over, we got born. That was simply bad raised, and not by our grandparents, but the bad governments, and time, after wars.
A world recovering, stolen kids, experimented with and on. Which is unethical, and the biggest cry of all these true loves. And them happy we at least could recognize real love, so all would restore. As it worked on all of us, what they did and had gotten from their parents, they saw us happy and felt happy with that. We were happy kids, thanks to all of them. The way it had worked on them, too. They always said they were such happy kids too, and this is how they had been happy, this was the way their parents and grandparents had lived with them. They would say a lot, happy huh? Isn’t this happiness to you too? Yes, we agreed.
They had seen true love when they were little, it is why they only had one love themselves and it was true, also to them. Our parents and their friends could wonder sometimes how that could be possible? Their lives were not always that way, was then their parent's life a facade. Their astrology says not. It was different, but not a facade. They did not expect all in true love too, as even they found that not perhaps what they always saw, but they were not sure. They did see, all mild parents and all mildly raised by their own parents, it was a type of love. They did not see married for money, or things. They thought all was in love, with their kids too, and themselves, and each other, and felt love for their families. It was loving, as they saw, who did not would die. There was more told about this too, as they all had always seen all die when people would have bad marriages. And, if the one they married was not true love, they thought that was impossible. And explained, how easily all died anyway, especially if you could not feel the deep love for each other, life was too hard, to live it cold. You knew you needed one to cry with, as life would be tough. You knew you needed the one, as there is no point in marriage if you do not love someone. Getting kids also had to be with your love, as you had to last, kids need the parents, and one could die, sometimes even both parents. In their times, this is all they lived and had seen. You had to find your love, or stay alone. You would help your parents in the house, and all would have a place God had given, it was all oke. You just had to do what you got in your life and do that well.
It had been this work of their entire life until that moment, so apparently instinct, intuition, good families made sure they would get that one meant for them, and it was true, and they really felt that so too. They did all with their own hearts. Nothing fake, nothing untrue.
As who would then read the astrology for them? Some people in the world would, but these families not, we had not the tradition that first everyone was checked with their charts. You had to have your own heart and find them. And they did, somehow they did. Through wars, through hunger, through misery, they always would find them. Life was too hard, to not have one, one. Fights were not possible, as it would lead to death. That is their answer to this. They always said it this way. True love was how you survived, only.
People can fall that are unloved, and then not able to see criminals, that are “their friends”. And following them, as they had no other example. We had. We had other examples and lots of variations of the norm. So, all true love.
This does not mean, let's be a whore, that is not true love. They had the honor and a true heart, so this was not fitting in their minds, nor hearts. It also does not mean, let’s be criminals.
We did see the work on us, by criminals, pretending to all people this is the only life, this criminal as them. It is so ridiculous to try good hearts, and still think we do not understand, we would dumb and blind because we understand deeper thoughts. Oh really? We live, we lived it, the true life, and that sad small criminal life is not true life.
This deep knowing, I think, is how they did this, all the existence of humans, they could sense, all people sensed and were deep.
It seems to me, the same I knew I am a boy, and a girl, I am an XY female. You know who you are. In my teen years, I sensed that I am XY, choose to be more feminine, while knowing the other part, by myself, but I did not know my DNA, yet. I turned out to be Y. And with the female body, and not in some DNA companies, but then once that go deeper, and go into more details. And found I am actually a Y and have Y DNA, even have 24 chromosomes. Not just easy to find had been my whole life to hospitals and had that time research done on my body. I seemed very feminine. I do remember vaguely, a talk on Y DNA, but I am not at all sure what that talk was. There was one though. I was there since I was three, so, of course, I can not remember such a talk. That could have been from Y DNA found, but I am a girl, and with these puberty issues, already, they worried a bit more if I could get pregnant, by accident, as I was too young in puberty and that does can create babies. But it could also be a talk like normally we have here XY female looking kids, and we checked… Because I had such an issue. But then a too feminine one. I had a lot of tests, so, I also have no idea what all meant. They also, sought for cancer, as that can start this, but I also had not that.
And we had no DNA test for it, for ourselves at homes, like today, although I was tested so much in the hospital, with all the new technology, I just seemed a typical too female. But it is, not at all, I know now, I have y in some DNA databases. And could indeed find my Y DNA, and upload that, and have ancestors back to the first Homo Sapiens, in that male line.
And with this intersex thing, which happens in English more than Danish for example, and I am English, it is something you could get inherited, the truth is it fits me. This is me. I just do not have to forget a part of me anymore.
This is not so a very active part, but I am aware of it since I was a teen. I play with boys like my brothers, or friends, too, besides I could date my one, which will be a man. I found it strange to be all alone with some activities, as boys do them only together with boys since teens, no girl still plays all of it by that time. And girls only do them when school demands them too.
I cried at the basketball field, as none found that normal to play all day, only in teams, official, or as little kids, and it all had to be so arranged, that it is not the heart speaking.
But it was just that. And aware of how strange people choose girl things, and boy things, I do not. It ends that way, as none do them anymore, or had to be professional by then, which is not the fun for me.
But now I know the fake side to it, I do not need that anymore, I just play with kids better than others, aware we all love the same things some times. And it is more fun to see the faces of kids, that they are now understood. That they do not have to choose, no matter how old they are, and it does not have to be professional, and set. The bottom line is the most fun to see the kids happy with, it is all play when they want, else not.
We were raised very equal till those teen days though, so I never could feel such boy inside of me before, we raised pretty much as “its”, with any preference we liked, boys could have nail polish, pink shirts, and it meant not much but sweet parents, boys allowed to wear what they want, and sweet kids, not afraid to wear what they like, but it had nothing boyish or girlish, it was meant as equal and whatever you like.
But in teens somehow we all did choose things, as the hormones made us do that, I now really know that. It had the logic they felt themselves now a man or woman, so, choose their things now, they felt who they are. I remained a bit more of both. And that started to become a bit weird, as if I am late with that, or so.
And out of the blue all changed, as we were warned for that. Also, friends would now want to be with boyfriends or girlfriends, which is logic. But I was like really none plays any games anymore, never again? So, perhaps I was too playful, and just a too friendly one, with many male friends, or too much this girl, with many boys I got used to as friends, as I early on was in puberty and was in this kids world, used to be mixed, normally teens are separated, I never lived that, as I was teen since baby. I looked like a girl that always has a boyfriend, wearing also their boyfriend's clothes, and very empathic, interested thus also love their games. It is so funny I am the boy. None ever knew.
Now I know I understand, all of me. Also, those little moments.
To be honest with an XY girl which is a boy, it is that way. We now know some boys are girls, boys with girl’s bodies, some girls with male bodies. But what man thinks of it that way?
I do now understand this deeper world, that the men are “girls”. It is funny to me, we never knew what men and women actually mean. Your X is a girl, see me, that's the only female to me, but I then have the body of a girl with just that, one X. Even if it is XXY, as I could pass that on, it is a boy too, carrying a female body. Everyone with some Y is a boy.
Actually, if the boy is aware of his female side, that now fits, with the XY female, two times. The X of him and y of her. Y of him and the X of her. If the boy with the female body is aware that side exists. You can choose now, how to fill the gaps.
So, this can end up very diverse. It all depends on what does your X? And Y? And how they match now? It is not 2 choices, but more. X a gay, or straight, or any other type, there are more than 50 genders. Your Y the same. And then combines. So, when your one walks out, was he actually more attracted to your X or Y, and did you give it in that way he needs? Together, and ending a relationship is always actually more complex, but with an XY female, a boy with the female body, you can think more about this, compared to XY boys with a boy's body. She could leave Y too, somehow? Two with Y, leaving within each other? No matter the fit?
It can be more straight too. The X and Y side with not a body showing they can be “in love”, “without that body”. And both or one could want to be transgender. What if you miss that body? And what if both have that? I do not feel, myself, a man that way, but it could have. But if those can be “friends”, in love with not the functioning body to it, and the parts that do are the body, those X and Y, with the body, fitting to each other, do they do turns, when the mind of the other side you love too, keeps you busy? Bit of a siamese twin, per person, taking turns who now rules? The body, or the part without the body, but is there with feelings. The boyish side has to hush when the girl feels. It can be complicated.
Coming from these in love grandparents, always accepting us, because we are their kids, we do not feel bad about anything that we got.
A fake self is worse than anything, you could not detect these details and never find true love.
We, true loves, know details in love.