I Don’t Have to Give You Anything
Everywhere I exist, online and in reality, escaping Gender Dysphoria and misgendering is nearly impossible. I actively place my pronouns in bios, comment sections, and even display names, but my efforts seem to be in vain.
It’s tiring having to correct people on how to address me, especially when my pronouns are in all of my bios. I understand people don’t intentionally aim to hurt me, however, being called a man causes me to fixate on how I could surgically change my body to be more androgynous.
I fantasize about how I would feel without facial hair, broad shoulders, and without my deep voice. Would the world finally recognize me? Or would I continue to be viewed as a man? I know that my existence goes beyond a physical body. I still find myself with an intense desire to be seen as a non-binary person and not a man by those who look upon me.
Every time I interact with people online and in real life, thoughts of discomfort and shame about how I present to them consume me.
The discomfort I feel from being in this body is called Gender Dysphoria (An occurrence when there is a conflict between assigned gender at birth and the gender an individual identifies with). I feel this discomfort every day from friends, internet strangers, co-workers, and anyone else who chooses to speak to me. I feel shameful about my body, yet I don’t have to change it for anyone.
The entire point of being non-binary is to exist without gender roles or binaries placed on gender. Having facial hair and hair anywhere else on my body does not invalidate how I identify. I deserve to feel liberated and not disgusted by my own body.