2015: I’m Moving Forward

Looking to the past to embrace my future

I have been wanting to write for the longest time. Sometimes I get inspired and then the moment I choose to write, I forget my source of inspiration. I’m tired of waiting for something to inspire me, so I’m just going to write.

This year went by so fast. So much has happened and I still cannot believe it. I guess this is what growing up does to you — it makes you forget how much time is passing by. In the past couple of years, I’ve had to re-evaluate myself like a million times to define who I am and what I stand for — it has not been easy. You graduate from high school and realize that there’s a lot to life than just books and obeying rules and that you’re going to find yourself in situations that will make you question your integrity. You also find yourself doing things that you’d have never imagined yourself doing. Life is basically a box of surprises. Things change and you realize that you’ve seen little or nothing of what life really is about, and what it has to offer. Everything goes by so fast, and before you know it, you’re 45 years old. This is the scary part, the fact that is goes back so quickly without you realizing. I am very proud of myself for overcoming all that I have gone through. It has made me a stronger and better person. Despite the fact that I was at my lowest this year, I would never exchange any of my life experiences for anything. It’s very consoling to know that no condition is permanent and that you’d always get out of whatever situation you find yourself in.

You graduate from high school and realize that there’s a lot to life than just books and obeying rules and that you’re going to find yourself in situations that will make you question your integrity.

I think my biggest challenge this year was school. It’s funny because once you post a picture on social media, everyone assumes that you’re having the time of your life and it’s perfect. The truth is often different. After I completed my first year, I was devastated. I am not proud of this, but I actually felt like death was the best thing that could happen to me then. Not just because of school, but at that point everything was just not right. All the time and effort I invested into all my endeavours had turned out to be futile. I used to cry and starve all the time and wish for the day that it would all be over. Some people may believe that I overreacted because apparently ‘people have bigger problems than I do’, but I believe that we all handle situations differently. The fact that someone doesn’t have food to eat and I do not have good grades does not mean that that person has more to deal with or that my problem is not that bad. It just means that we are in different phases of our lives therefore we are dealing with different issues.

I believe that we all handle situations differently.

I am very proud that in 2015, I outgrew regretting my actions and I learned to grow from them instead. I remember two years ago when I would beat myself up over everything I did that I felt was not right. What had bothered me the most was what people thought of me or if people would approve of my actions. This year, I learned to live my life for me and that in order to enjoy life you have to learn to live for yourself and be happy with who you are as a person. I also learned the importance of self love, even though I may still battle with self esteem issues from time to time. I have learned to accept who God has made me to be instead of constantly condemning myself and my flaws. I have learned to appreciate the fact that I am created in the image and likeness of God. I have come to realize that if you do not have respect for yourself, people will not show you respect — people see you the way you see yourself.