How to Deal with the Negative People in Your Surroundings

Bridget Webber
May 19, 2019 · 4 min read

You’ll be well-balanced, and emotionally healthier and happier

In an ideal world, you would live in a supportive environment aiding personal growth. Your peers, colleagues, and family would lift your spirits, encouraging you to shine, and you would do the same for them.

In the real world, though, your surroundings might not help you grow and prosper, and if you wait for life to improve, you may be disappointed.

It’s smart to get rid of toxic relationships, including those with people who belittle you and your dreams. Even when you’ve done so, however, you might still be left in an environment that drags you down rather than helping you succeed.

Some relationships aren’t exactly poisonous, but they don’t make you happy. Yet you can’t get away from them.

Unless you quit your job, for instance, you can’t get away from a difficult boss. Likewise, short of abandoning family members who aren’t full of positivity, you must interact with them regularly.

The answer isn’t to get comfortable with these unhelpful relationships, or settle for the cards you’re dealt, but to rise above them.

Rising above negative connections with others means you learn how to not allow them to bring you down or stop you living your best life.

The first step, nonetheless, isn’t what you probably imagine. You can’t change anyone, only yourself. So you can’t stop people behaving badly or being difficult, but you can loosen your emotional connection with them.

They might remain in your environment, but they need not hamper your development unless you give them the power to do so.

Detach; Make other’s behavior unimportant

The problem with trying to resist the influence of other’s negativity stems from your emotional dependence on their behavior.

We all prefer the people we engage with to act in ways we like. In other words, we want them to be like us. If their views don’t resemble ours, or they behave in ways we dislike, we automatically seek to change them.

We become outraged and tell them where we think they are going wrong.

And the same is true the other way around. People want us to be more like them and less like ourselves. Unless, of course, our values match perfectly.

As such, when the people closest to you do or say things you find objectionable, you get upset. As long as they aren’t forcibly stopping good flowing your way or physically hurting you, you can be in their company at times, though, but stop letting their negativity injure your psyche.

See people differently

Emotional attachment to the outcome of social interactions causes pain. Without it, no hurt feelings exist.

One way to stop being affected by what people say and do is to find their actions unimportant. To be able to do so, it helps to regard their negative behavior as an event rather than imagining it’s significant.

When it rains, after all, you know there’s no point getting angry and giving the sky a piece of your mind for not showering you with the sunshine you prefer.

You see weather as an event that’s out of your control and which you work around to your advantage. So if it pours, you might adapt and enjoy indoor pursuits instead of standing in the storm attempting to paint the outside of your house.

See people similarly. Forget the notion their words and deeds are immeasurably important, and can hurt you, and regain control of your emotional well-being.

You need not become an unemotional being, free of passion in order to detach emotionally from the negativity shown by others. Just save your passion for positivity instead of putting it toward anxiety and anguish.

So, if a friend says something thoughtless that would ordinarily upset you, remember to detach. See his/her behavior as an event without the power to hurt you. (Unless you take it on board, it won’t damage you).

If someone’s often negative, spend as little time with them as possible. You needn’t feel guilty. You were not born to be anyone’s slave. It’s okay to take a step back and do what’s best for your welfare.

When you must be around unhelpful relationships and a negative environment, though, don’t look for meaning in other’s behavior.

Recall people are flaky. What they say comes from their own perspective, and it could be messed up because they absorbed a negative environment and are unknowingly passing it to you.

Spend more time with people who have the character traits you admire than those you dislike, and release the mental ties that bind you to wanting people to be a certain way. As a result, you’ll be well-balanced, and emotionally healthier, and happier.

The Bolt-Hole

Self-improvement, stories, and poems

Bridget Webber

Written by

Independent content creator, ghostwriter, author mental health advocate, and poet.

The Bolt-Hole

Self-improvement, stories, and poems

Bridget Webber

Written by

Independent content creator, ghostwriter, author mental health advocate, and poet.

The Bolt-Hole

Self-improvement, stories, and poems

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