Coming undone with Adichie’s Notes on grief
My bookstagram, We_talk_books, has evolved into a fulfilling space for me, where I meet bookworms with different tastes, reading habits, and perspectives. It gives me the opportunity to talk to people about books and by extension, learn about cultures and ways of life that are different from me. It has also been serving me as the replacement for my real book club, which has been dead for a while now.
Then, I saw some exciting updates from Thimphu.book.club and my hyper ass wanted to be a part of it, despite making little progress with all the books I am currently reading. I asked Dr. Dolma, my former, senior colleague at Royal Thimphu College, Thimphu, Bhutan to let me in.
I got in, yay!
Bonus: the week I joined them, they were reading Notes on grief by my favourite woman, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie!
And today’s post is about that.
Notes on grief was first published as an article in The New Yorker Magazine and is about Adichie’s grief following her father’s passing.
As the title suggests, it is that — just notes on grief, raw and brief. It is short, yet not incomplete. The essay really captures grief and the unpredictable ways in which it can manifest itself and how it can cripple us.
If you are familiar with Adichie’s work, you know that she works magic with words. Like all her books and essays, there are many noteworthy sentences in this essay too.
Personally, though, ‘I came undone’ struck me the hardest. That is how she felt at the moment her brother Okey shared the news of her father’s passing. I felt her too. Grief can shatter you, shake you up and ‘coming undone’ sums it all up.
I also felt seen and heard when I read the essay this time, because I too was grieving on the day. It wasn’t the loss of a loved one, but the loss of something that I have been attached to for over 20 years now. It is likely that I might move on from this loss soon, unlike the loss of a loved one, a human being you shared your life with, but before I get to the point of letting go, there will be a period of grief. I was in that time and as always it was words that gave me the most comfort. It was Notes on grief.
Have I passed the stage? Not yet.
Am I feeling better? Not yet.
But I know I am not alone and I know it will pass.
That is why, among several beautiful lines in the essay, the phrase ‘I came undone’ was the most relatable for me.
As always, Adichie beautifully wove in anecdotes from her father’s life that are amusing, touching, subtle, powerful and vulnerable. Her writing is nothing less than a cinematic experience and you will get to meet the wise, funny, and strong James Nwoye Adichie as you go through Notes on grief, (almost) in the 3D.
This book experience became a lot more interesting with the discussion I had with beautiful ladies from the Thimphu Book Club. It led to all of us sharing our experiences with grief, our unique ways of coping with it, and definitely feeling better by the end of meet.
Note:
This essay can be either cathartic or triggering, so exercise caution before picking it up!
Originally published at http://wetalkbooksclub.wordpress.com on March 21, 2022.
