How to adult — I took a cue from these books
The list is in the order that worked best for me.
Growing up, I consciously avoided the ‘Self Help’ section at bookstores. At 32, I still don’t know why. My perspective changed only recently after self-help books helped resolve plenty of personal blocks. Picking these books was a conscious choice and it is an extension to my encounter with Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP); an alternative to talk therapy I underwent a few years ago. Depression and anxiety are complex illnesses and I have been trying to deal with them for a while now. NLP helped me look inwards for solutions and comfort, and these books worked as tools in that process. Often, a book or another’s experience validates our own and that is medicine, to begin with. Slowly, with patience and hard work, today started to feel better than yesterday.
Let’s go!
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
Shocking title? So is the book. It took several months to deal with the triggers that came with this read. You should be brave to read this one and be accepting of all that it has to offer. I got enough warning from my close friend who suggested it to me. I was also able to make it through the book in one piece because discussions from time to time helped me deal with the triggers.
One suggestion — do not take everything in this book personally. It should be used to evaluate and understand relationship dynamics in your life and protect yourself from toxic relationships at work, school, college, or anywhere else. You should be patient and allow emotions to pass as they come, and objectively look at the things mentioned. It is hard. It helps to repeatedly remind yourself that it is not an attack on your parents or loved ones; that they are humans first and the role they take on comes after, especially because of societal and systemic stereotypes.
If you look at it this way, there are definitely life-changing teaching points. They helped me reason with behaviours of people around me, be forgiving, and most importantly go easy on myself. Of course, nothing changes overnight, but the book gives an insight into understanding what being human really means.
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
For people with depression and anxiety, routine makes life a tad bit easier. On the contrary, building habits is laborious and exhausting. This book is simple and effective. The author gives us tools, some basic pointers, and a fresh perspective (it was for me), to look at routine and habits as enjoyable rather than burdensome. The biggest takeaway from this book is the power of compounding, which is largely underestimated — how small steps lead to significant changes over time. With sustainable tools, we can tweak certain things which can potentially change the course of our life. It’s been two months since I started implementing suggestions from this book and I’ve been able to consistently stick to four habits. They are tiny, but it is a massive step to consistently do something.
Don’t Lose Your Mind, Lose Your Weight by Rujuta Diwekar
This author has written several books after this one and the internet says her concepts have evolved with time. I haven’t had the chance to read all of them, but this one did help me. I love food because I grew up eating only delicious meals. It is not once a day, but every single meal has always been just really tasty in my house. While I am grateful for this, I had plenty of body image issues. So, you see the conflict here. I love food but every time I ate something, I judged the food and myself. That led to stress eating and the cycle went on.
In reality, it was a mental block and this book helped me begin the journey of resolving this block. While I do not agree with everything this author has to say, the book has effective methods to approach food — to cultivate ways and habits of eating that do not stress your mind and body. It has tools to help you make some key, long-lasting lifestyle changes. It all boils down to mindful eating and living. We know all about it and this book helps with how it can be achieved. Mindfulness is also trending these days, so you can give it a try.[:D]. Maybe check out her other books too?
Big Magic: How to Live a Creative Life, and Let Go of Your Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
This author is known for her book Eat, Pray, Love which was also adapted into a movie. We all loved Julia Roberts biting into her Pizza and Spaghetti wholeheartedly, without a care for anything, no?
For all those talented people in the world who are great at what they do, but are buried in fears about taking action, this book gives you the permission to do it. No, Gilbert is no one to do that, but she convincingly argues about the need to live a creative life. Her take on the need to value and care for ideas that come to us is fresh and convincing.
The book helps if you are hesitating to take the plunge and do something you love. She talks about how there is space for everyone to create what they want in this world. The book is also written ‘creatively’ and it might surprise you at times. I enjoyed most parts of this book because it resonates with my understanding of creativity — existing as humans is by itself a creative process. I often failed to understand how creativity could be put in a box and assigned definitions. It’s such a funny paradox. This book confirmed this for me and that was helpful.
Quiet Power by Erica Moroz, Gregory Mone, and Susan Cain
This is an illustrated version of Quiet by Susan Cain targeted at children and young adults. This was a pleasant surprise from an acquaintance, something that I came to love. The book helped me discover my true personality. I was an attention-seeking child who was bullied in school and later became a bully myself. I developed a personality as a coping mechanism — a loud, annoying gangster. Inside, I was a big lump of fear. This was my personality for close to 15 years. This book was the starting point, an opportunity to delve deeper in understanding myself. More than anything it gave me the license to be myself in what might be insignificant situations for people — to be okay with sitting silently in a group or interacting with people individually or simply saying no to things I don’t want to do. The book was powerful for me.
Cain’s previous work, Quiet — The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking is much more insightful.
Heal Your Body by Louise Hay
This book is powerful but last on the list because it is not for everyone. It is a guide to mental blocks that lead to physical ailments — how traumatic situations — big, small, or tiny — could lead to physical illnesses and can be resolved with positive affirmations. For many, accepting or being able to see the deep connection between the mind and the body itself is difficult. It takes openness, trust, and courage to be able to revisit your past and process it to heal. You need to be: accepting, agree with this author’s perspective, have the luxury of time, be in the right environment, and be surrounded by people who care to be able to work with the suggestions in the book. Please be mindful in case you wish to apply the suggested pointers to your life.
