How to Argue
Book summary of Thank You For Arguing, a masterpiece on the art of argumentation.
I grabbed one of the copies of the book Thank You for Arguing once I have heard that there is an updated version. This book is all you can dream for to learn about arguments and changing someone’s mind.
According to a study, even in our families we spend 49 minutes arguing every day. This comes to 2184 arguments a year.
Let’s see how you can score 2184/2184.
- THE GOAL
Start with an end in mind. Why are you involved in this arguments ? What do you want to get out of it ? Do you want to change your listeners’ minds ? Do you need to stop your child from doing that annoying thing ?
In author’s words, in a deliberative argument, you should not try to outscore your opponent. Give him all the points he desires , focus on the end results.
Suppose you are stopped by an officer because you drive too fast. What is your aim ? Try to continue without getting any ticket. Concede then. Accept you are wrong, and play to his expertise.
YOU: I’m sure you’re right, Officer. I should have been watching my speedometer more. I must have been watching the road too closely. Can you suggest a way for me to follow my speedometer without getting distracted?
Good score ha ? You might get away with speeding, never lose focus of your aim.
Set your goals for your opponent, girlfriend, boyfriend, colleagues or boss. Would you like to change their mood, their mind, or their willingness to carry out what you want? Do not get involved in the argument too much to lose your sight of purpose.
2. CONTROL THE TENSE
Aristotle says all the arguments or fights can be boiled down to 3 core issues. Blame, values, choice.
- Who broke the vase ? — Blame
- Should abortion be illegal? — Values
- Should we ban people from having more than 2 children due to over population — Values
- Do we invest in this company or not ? — Choice
- Where do we go to dinner ? — Choice
Present-tense (demonstrative) rhetoric tends to finish with people bonding or separating. Past-tense (forensic) rhetoric threatens punishment. Future-tense (deliberative) argument promises a payoff.
To blame someone use the past tense.
To get someone to believe something, use the present tense.
To discuss the choices, use future tense.
If you are a great debater, of course you are, when things start to go south, switch the tense. Do not use past to blame, instead use future tense to talk about choices and actions.
One great suggestion to implement in a work dispute comes from the author:
TRY THIS AT WORK Most office backstabbing uses the past or present tense (“He’s the one who screwed up that bid”; “She’s a total jerk”). If you find yourself a victim, refocus the issue on future choices: “How is blaming me going to help us get the next contract?” “Whether you think I’m a jerk or not, let’s figure out a way for you and me to get along.”
3. SOFTEN THEM UP
You may assume that people are moved or convinced by purely logical arguments. However, the best rhetoricians now you cannot win an argument with pure facts. You have to know how to combine logic with emotion and authority.
Aristotle says there are three things you can base your arguments on:
ETHOS: Argument by character.
LOGOS: Argument by logic.
PATHOS: Argument by emotion. A successful persuader must learn how to read the audience’s emotions
Logos, ethos, and pathos appeal to the brain, gut, and heart of your audience. While our brain tries to sort the facts, our gut tells us whether we can trust the other person, and our heart makes us want to do something about it. They form the essence of effective persuasion.
For example, use pathetic tactic of showing sympathy. Tell the opponent you understand the problem, feel how they feel. Try to make them like you and soften them up.
4. MAKE THEM LISTEN
In order to get your message through your opponent and listeners, Cicero says there are 3 conditions.
Cicero said you want your audience to be receptive — sitting still and not throwing anything at you. Beyond that, they should be attentive — willing to listen closely to what you have to say. And most important of all, they should like and trust you. All three require argument by character.
On the other hand, in order for your audience to listen to you, or value what you have to say, there are 3 important tactics:
- BRAG : Show off your experience on the certain topic discussed. Try not to sound so boastful. Mildly assert your opinions gained through experience.
- CHARACTER REFERENCE: Get others to do your bragging for you. If you are afraid your opponents dislike bragging, get others to brag about you. In a meeting about a airline website renewal project, ask a friend to say “ Hey Joe I know you worked for a airline company, why don’t you share your experiences with us ?”
- TACTICAL FLAW: Reveal a weakness that wins sympathy. Use your little flaws, the way you cannot pronounce “R” for example, to win hearts and seem likable.
5. TURN THE VOLUME DOWN
In a conversation, you definitely do not want to put blame on someone. If some report look ugly, report was created ugly you might say, not Chris prepared an ugly report.
If you want to reach to a solution, you always direct the blame away someone. You use passive voice, you are the master of your art. It is an old pathos trick and reduces the tension.
We all know from the great work of Daniel Kahneman, that our brains have 2 operating system. System One works on autopilot, do not waste time on thinking. It just does stuff. System Two is a thinker, asks questions and uses logic. It makes you sweat.
The most important thing is try to recognize which system your opponent is using. If she in on System One, you have to lower your voice, use some passive sentences to lower the tension. You have to calm her down and make her think in System Two to realize the arguments and self- criticize herself.
6. PERSUADE ON YOUR TERMS
People like to use mental models to process information. Every bit of news presented to human beings is framed somehow to reflect the framer’s point of view. When you discuss with someone, create some frames. Reframe the questions or the contradiction points. See the framing example below:
Political ads provide valuable lessons in framing. In one ad, President Obama touts his job creation record, citing over 4 million jobs added to the economy since he took office. In another ad, Governor Mitt Romney criticizes President Obama’s job creation by pointing out that unemployment is still hovering around 8 percent and the economy still lacks 261,000 jobs that were lost during the president’s tenure. Source
See the difference? You might think this is nonsense and political. But hey, you have to accept frames are everywhere and you have to be on the lookout for them.
For example, when a project manager complains about a project delayed for 2 months, you might say “But we are adding two additional features that customer will certainly love”. That might work or not, but always remember there are two sides to every coin, flip the other side.
Another technique detailed in the book is called redefinition. This is some kind of way to be seem as wise and genius. Don’t automatically accept the meaning your opponent attaches to a word. Redefine it in your favor.
Here comes the example from the book:
SPOUSE: That kid of ours is plenty smart. He’s just lazy.
YOU: Yes, he’s lazy. So how do we motivate him?
Or you can change the terms.
YOU: No, I don’t think he’s lazy. He’s bored.
Or you can redefine them.
YOU: If “lazy” means frantically shooting aliens on a computer and picking up valuable hand-eye coordination, then he’s lazy.
So, when your boss says this project is a failure, you might say “ Bringing in 20.000 new customers while keeping retention rate over 60 percent? Yeah, if it is a failure, I’d say we failed.”
Persuasion is not about what you want. It’s about what your audience needs and desires. First, try to suss out that need. Then structure your argument around solving that need through the decision or action you want.
7.HOW TO DEFENSE IN CASE OF a FIERCE ARGUMENT
In a conversation, you will always see logical fallacies. You might not recognize them if you are not familiar, but they are everywhere. Here is a list of logical fallacies with short descriptions.
And if you just want to know the key ones, here is a great resource to help you get familiar with most common logical fallacies.
If you want to see the whether opposite argument has some credibility or not you need to ask 3 questions:
1. Does the proof hold up?
2. Am I given the right number of choices? Is it a either/or question? Can I expand my choice pool?
3. Does the proof lead to the conclusion? Is the proof really supporting the conclusion?
7 Deadly Sins
Most arguments have 7 deadly sins. First is false comparison. It is saying “if teachers are having 2 months vacation every year and getting paid for the summer, fire workers also deserve same privilege.” No, you cannot compare fire workers with teachers. Let’s not compare apples and oranges. Every profession has its own structure.
Second is bad example. This bad example mostly comprises small portion of the thing you want to example. “ Practice piano every day and you become a Mozart” . “ Buy these shoes, and you become a Kobe”. You can catch this sin when you feel like there is oversimplification as a reason for something.
Third is ignorance as proof. In this case the argument claims that the lack of examples proves that something doesn’t exist. “I can’t find any deer, so these woods don’t have any.”
Fourth one is begging the question. Basically this is a sin in which your reasoning and your conclusion is the same thing. “We won’t have trouble selling this product because it’s easily marketable.” In the example below premise equals to the conclusion.
“To allow every man unbounded freedom of speech must always be on the whole, advantageous to the state; for it is highly conducive to the interest of the community that each individual should enjoy a liberty perfectly unlimited of expressing his sentiments.” Richard Whately
Fifth one is the red herring.This the sin of putting forth reasons or conclusions that have no logical connection to the argument at hand. “He should not be held accountable for telling lies when asked for information, he has done a lot of good things for our company.” You see the sin ? Why are you giving credit to someone for what he has done for you after he deliberately lied to you ? These are separate things, premise does not have to do anything with conclusion.
Sixth one is false dilemma. This sin happens when you narrow down your argument to either/or. “You are either with us or against us.” We should invest in A or B.” What about C? Or what about option of not investing at all. Try to expand your options. When you are faced with either or options, add additional things to lower your opponent’s guard.
And finally, the seventh one is wrong ending. This sin happens when your proof for thw conclusion fails to explain it. “Allow that newfangled rock music, and kids will start having orgies in the streets.”
Be fully aware these 7 sins in every one of your daily arguments:
- False comparison
- Bad example
- Ignorance as proof
- Begging the question
- Red herring
- False dilemma
- Wrong ending
Here are some of the great tips in the book that can be applied in your personal and professional life. Tip # 8 saved me a lot of troubles in my relationship.
Tip Number #1:
Answer someone who expresses doubt about your idea with “Okay, let’s tweak it.” Now focus the argument on revising your idea as if the group had already accepted it. This move is a form of concession — rhetorical jujitsu that uses your opponent’s moves to your advantage.
While in a disagreement with someone, try to persuade them to argue against your logic as if it is the one accepted. Assuming your opinion as the accepted one and then try to break it with arguments from everyone is much more fun. In the end, you will probably have the victory over other arguments since you have the power of being the owner of the accepted truth.
Tip Number #2:
The Romans were using the “But wait, there’s more” pitch a couple of millennia before infomercials. They gave it a delectable name: dirimens copulatio, meaning “a joining that interrupts.”
It is not Steve Jobs who found the presentation style of “But wait, there’s more”. This tactic goes back all the way to Romans. In your next meeting or a surprise for your girlfriend, try this. When everybody assumes you are out of your bullets, hit the last and most powerful one. Bang bang.
Tip Number #3:
TRY THIS IN A PRESENTATION Present a decision with a chiasmus by using a mirror image of your first choice: “Either we control expenses or let expenses control US.
Tip Number #4:
When Henry Kissinger was a security adviser to Nixon, he gathered the alternatives for the president to choose from. He purposefully put extreme choices first and last, and putting the one Kissinger preferred in the middle.
This tactic is everyhere. In stores you mostly see middle-priced but with higher markup items next to cheapest one and much more expensive one. This gives you the push to select the middle.
TRY THIS IN A STORE Like Kissinger, retailers use the Goldilocks technique all the time, offering lowerpriced junk and high-end goods to make their bestselling items seem just right. Next time you buy, say, an electronic gadget, ask the sales staff to show you the midpriced version first. Then go up or down in price depending on your desires and budget
Tip Number #5:
TRY THIS IN A PITCH If you’re competing against a superior company or candidate (or suitor of any kind), use the future tense against your opponent. “You’ve heard a lot of bragging about past accomplishments and how great my opponent is, but let’s talk about the future: What do you want done?”
Tip Number #6:
A good persuader anticipates the audience’s objections. Ideally, you want to produce them even before the audience can. The technique makes your listeners more malleable. They begin to assume you’ll take care of all their qualms, and they lapse into a bovine state of persuadability.
Tip Number #7:
If you want to get a commitment out of the meeting, take stock of your proposal’s logos, pathos, and ethos: Do my points make logical sense? Will the people in the room trust what I say? How can I get them fired up for my proposal at the end?
Tip Number #8 (My Favorite):
Aristotle said that every point has its flip side. That’s the trick to concession. When a spouse says, “We hardly ever go out anymore,” the wise mate does not spew examples of recent dates; he says, “That’s because I want you all to myself.” This response will at least buy him time to think up a credible change in tense: “But as a matter of fact, I was going to ask if you wanted to go to that new Korean restaurant.”
Tip Number #9 :
We have been taught that a successful persuader never admits ignorance, but the Romans saw doubt as a rhetorical device. They called it aporia: wonder openly or admit you cannot fathom a reason, and the audience will unconsciously start reasoning for you. Without even knowing it, they comfortably get inside your head.
Tip Number #10:
The this-not-that figure is called a dialysis: “Don’t buy the shoes. Buy the colors.” People take your wisdom more seriously if you put it cryptically; it’s the idiot savant approach.
Tip Number #11 :
Interrupting yourself (“Hey, pal…”) to address a different audience, even a virtual one, keeps your original audience on its toes
Tip Number #11 :
You can’t talk a prejudiced person directly out of a prejudice. But you can dissuade him from its harmful results. If he says, “All foreign Arabs in the United States should have their green cards taken away,” talk about a specific person who would be affected, and describe values that you all have in common.
Tip Number #12 :
And have you noticed how political figures often begin their sentences with “And”? Many use it as a substitute for “Um” or “You know” while they think of what to say. “And” gives continuity and flow to oral speech. Use it too much, though, and you sound like a manic prophet.
Tip Number #13 :
A broad context trumps a narrow one in a political situation; this includes office politics. Suppose the company wants to merge your department with one headed by an idiot. How should you define the issue? In terms of fairness? The manager’s competence? Or your department’s ability to produce more as an independent entity? Productivity is the broadest of the three issues, because it appeals to the widest array of company managers
Tip Number #14:
The anaphora works best in an emotional address before a crowd. “Now’s the time to act. Now’s the time to show what we can do. Now is the time to take what’s wrong and set it right!”
Tip Number #15:
Business clichés offer many opportunities for a figure. To make your point, choose a cliché that opposes you, and then flip the cliché in a chiasmus: “Let’s not settle for swimming with the sharks. Let’s make the sharks want to swim with us.”
Till next time,
Ratip.
