The Oxygen Mask Moment and the “Bad Boys Club”
I recently re-launched my legal practice. This time, I decided to do things differently. The old model of putting up a website and waiting for clients to reach out is no longer viable. These days, in order to generate business of any kind, it is important to promote oneself and to have a social media presence.
I had to really come to terms with all this “self-promotion” stuff. At first, I was really uncomfortable sharing my personal views and experiences. For a long time, I was “testing the waters” by posting certain things anonymously. It is much easier to be forthcoming when you have achieved a level of external acceptance or success. Much harder to be revealing when you are still “going through it.”
At the time I decided to re-envision and re-launch my practice, I was completely down on myself. I had reached a level in the telecom/tech field where, based on my background, knowledge, and experience, I should have been able to operate in some very high-level circles.
Who knows why the professional opportunities were not coming my way. Regardless of the specific reasons (or non-reasons), it felt to me that none of these companies were eager to have a black, female attorney/developer sitting at the table.
At first, the reality of my circumstances felt crushing. Imagine being at the “top of your game,” but then you reach a glass ceiling. And, then further imagine that you have a family and financial responsibilities. To the extent that there is a “rock bottom,” this certainly felt like it.
I kind of moped around for weeks, and then months, trying to figure out how I could revive my career. That is, until one day, I looked around, and took note of where we were. Our living circumstances were far from ideal. And, more than that, the psychological weight of everything we were dealing with was taking a severe toll on our mental and emotional state of mind.
If you have ever had an experience that felt like “rock bottom,” the one valuable take away from the experience is that you realize that you must have one. A rock bottom, that is. In terms of a boundary, you have to be willing to say to yourself, “That’s it. I have had enough.”
I had reached such a dire place that I said to myself “this has to be the bottom.” But, even if it is not, I need to get the Hell out of here. At that point, I realized that I needed to do more than just breathe:
It was time to start kicking my legs as hard as I could in order to get to the surface of the water. I needed more than just an “oxygen mask moment.” I needed continuous and uninterrupted access to an unlimited supply of oxygen.
It was dark and scary rising from the depths of that deep ocean to the surface. But, now that I am here, I can breath the fresh air. I can also feel the the sun and see the shore.
As hard as it was getting out of the depths of that deep, dark water, the gift waiting on top was pure beauty. In that moment, I decided that I would never allow my life to be deprived of oxygen ever again.
In re-imagining my practice, I had to presume that the road leading back to the male-dominated U.S. telecom/tech industry was temporarily unavailable, cordoned off by a big, huge road block. Instead of wasting my time, trying to break into their exclusive boys club, I decided that I would need to find a way around them.
I decided to completely change course and use my telecom/tech knowledge to help consumers. At the very least, my “insider’s” view of the market could help consumers to understand some of these unfair and exploitative business practices and policies.
This week was the first time I felt truly alive in a very long time. At the risk of exaggeration, I will say that working directly with clients on consumer-related issues is the fresh air I needed. Suddenly, with this new focus and perspective, it feels like I have a completely different life and career. I am deeply fulfilled by this consumer work, and that feels like a tremendous blessing.
