Why Ask Why?
It was a rare, chilly afternoon in Bali. I was in my regular corner, with my legs folded on a couch, in my favorite coffee shop where I was allowed (at least I assumed so, since no one had ever told me otherwise) to use the seat cushion of another chair as my personal table so my laptop could sit comfortably on my lap.
I found myself stuck, unable to continue my writing. It had been four months since I had laid down the first page of my non-fiction book. The fun, and creative writing part, of the process was over. My writing partner, Puri Lestari, and I had been continuing the Book Project, engaged in a systematic rewrite for quite some time.
I knew in my heart that, once the tap stops flowing, drinking gallons of caffeine won’t release the next paragraph. What I usually do to fix such an uncomfortable condition is grab a blank piece of paper (a huge one) and start doing a quick mind-mapping process with coloured markers to peel away the complication in my head. Sadly, I hadn’t brought my ‘weapons’ with me to the coffee shop that day, so I decided to take a short break and send a quick text to a friend in Seoul.
Separated, as we are, by thousands of miles, our friendship is far from just hanging out in a restaurant or going to have a manicure together. We connect through conversations and intense discussions that are often triggered by something abstract; and these conversations lead us into new adventures and the discovery of some new understanding. That particular afternoon we had a very exciting discussion over virtual space, after the day’s gossip was finished, of course.
One thing I find fascinating about my friend is her ability to throw out the right questions when I need them most. When I share my complications and roadblocks with her she almost never gives me suggestions, instead she listens intently. Then, after my endless, random speech is over, she will pose a single, simple question. Most times I am surprised by the answers I give her. It’s like I have been trying to find a needle in a haystack, but the needle was always actually in front of my face. It’s one of those mind-blowing, ‘oh-my-God-I-didn’t-know-it-has-always-been-there’ moments.
On that particular day, I told her my desire was to be surrounded by more people with her super-powers. I believe that the ability to suspend our opinions and ask the right questions is a kind of wisdom. We discussed the privilege human beings have of being able to explore newer and greater understanding, and of their feeling enlightened by their findings.
There is something innate about wanting to give people direct answers to their complex problems. Maybe it’s human nature to compete: an inner desire that says “I should be able to finish that crazy puzzle” or that wants to be the best. Even when we care about another person we can forget to listen and, instead, provide our own moral opinion as a cure-all before we get all the information.
This problem is deep-rooted in our academic system, reinforced by years of questions with only black-and-white answers. A test is given with rigid, key answers and it limits the explorative ability of students. Because of these years of conditioning we busy ourselves looking for the ‘correct’ answers to questions rather than enjoying the mystery of exploring both the variety of possible answers and the new questions those answers may pose. We forget to let other people ‘listen’ to themselves.
It is very important that we keep curiosity alive when questioning others, but it is even more important to keep curiosity alive in questioning ourselves. Just as it is important to spend quality time with our loved ones, it is even more crucial to regularly spend time with ourselves. We should question and explore our authentic selves while learning to turn off external noise; or, at the very least, turn the volume down.
Toward the end of our conversation I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Our random discussion, as usual, had led me to a new level of understanding and had served as a reminder of the importance of curiosity. My tap was unblocked and it was time to fill pages with words again. Before typing, however, I decided to turn off my mobile phone for a while and spend some time with my muse.
Inez Natalia Putri is an endless life learner who loves deep talks in light mode and finds pleasure in human’s sincere smiles.
