The Joy of Forgetting
Forgetfulness has a bad reputation.
Here some of the wonderful benefits of being forgetful.
1. Listening like it’s the first time, so stupid people do not annoy you so much.
Do you roll your eyes when someone tells you the same thing more than once? Or the same story over and over?
When you are forgetful, you listen with kindness. Your friend is happy. It takes just a moment.
If it’s your Grandpa, you will literally make him cry with happiness that you listened to his story about when he and his shipmates went swimming in the South Pacific during World War 1. Or whatever.
It’s just plain nice to listen. It’s so joyful to be listened to. Give that joy to someone.
Of course, if your friend is saying something hateful or dumb, you can say, “This is hateful and dumb. I don’t want to have to forget what you’ve said, so it’s better if you don’t say it at all.”
2. Not holding onto a loss like a jerk-wad.
It once took me two years to get over a breakup. That’s actually a lie. It was much longer and I’m embarrassed to admit it.
I thought of: the first kiss, the first date, blah blah, blah blah blah. All of that remembering was a pain in the ass. My heart just kept breaking a second, third, fourth time.
One day, I asked myself, “What if I didn’t know that person anymore?” The bitterness would end. The sadness? It remained. But I wasn’t making it worse anymore.
When you can’t get over a broken heart, you are just being a jerk-wad. Move on — someone who is super amazing is on the way, but they do not want to fall in love with a jerk-wad. I am not even sure what a jerk-wad is. I definitely do not want to look it up.
You can remember the lessons from a relationship. But constantly remembering a relationship is like flushing the toilet over and over. Just let it go the first time. It’s not coming back (hopefully).
3. Not letting your next last success turn you into a buttface.
I’m a trader. (I sit at home in my underwear and press buttons, and money comes out of my computer. Well, sometimes the money flows the other way, sad emoji, but that’s ok.)
A string of wins in the financial markets can lead to arrogance.
After a bunch of winning trades, I think: I am pretty damn good at this.
That’s just about the time that I blow up a trade, or bet too much, or relax my criteria for a good trading setup.
It’s so good to forget the last trade. Or your last win at work. Or your last awesome evening of all-night super lovemaking. You hold onto that stuff, you start wearing it like a badge of honor, and pretty soon you’re the Donald Trump of your own world. You can do no wrong, “everyone” loves you, you stop apologizing for your mistakes, and generally you become a giant buttface.
Then you blow up.
Last summer I made tens of thousands of dollars on a single trade, because the Swiss National Bank made an unscheduled announcement. And my trade just flew into The Hyperspace of Profitability. Dollar bills came flying out of my Macbook (not really, but that’s what it felt like).
So I flew to Greece and spent time forgetting my trade and how great I was. I got sunburned, ate a ton of lamb, met a beautiful woman by the pool, [redacted], and generally came back down to earth.
This is me forgetting my big win:
4. Forgetting helps you forgive. Forgiveness is its own reward.
I held onto anger toward a family member for, let’s say, um, twenty years. Once again, me with the holding-on. I’m just realizing this pattern right now. Ugh.
Anyway.
I let my anger and hostility and disappointment become rotten like a tomato. I could have just thrown a fit, thrown that Tomato of Anger at this person, and moved on.
But I held onto the anger and it became precious to me.
I didn’t realize that something magical happens when I forgive:
I clean the slate. I can move on with my life, unburdened.
I let the other person move on, unburdened.
Forgiveness opens my heart to new happiness. Anger takes up a lot of space in my heart. I must have a small heart.
The Great Enemy of Forgiveness is The Curse of Remembering.
A little bit of forgetting is good. I started meditating in 2010 — actually I can’t remember, so let’s just say it was 2010 — specifically with the intent to let go of my anger toward this person.
But it stayed.
Then I meditated and pondered the joys of forgetting. I willingly forgot and let go of some painful memories. Of course, I could invite those memories over to the house late at night, but then they would just f*** me over, leave the bed a mess, and I’d feel no better about it in the morning.
Forgetting bad memories isn’t easy.
But remember: we all have our “own” version of events that we remember. None of us remembers things perfectly.
So I started by simply re-remembering some things differently. I re-remembered my childhood with less of this one person involved.
I highlighted, made brighter, made more vibrant all of my memories with others.
In the end, what I set my heart upon became my treasure. And my treasure became larger, brighter, more joyful, more memorable. Worth remembering.
Please forget that you read this.
Listen. I don’t know if any of this is helpful. I wrote it for me, and like most things that I write or say, I forget it about 10 minutes later.
But I want you to know something, before I forget to say it: I might not know you. But I care about you.
I hope you remember that.
Rob
P.S. My name is Rob. Hi. I do a business talk radio show. My Facebook page is here if you would like to follow me, and join me in trying to be less of a jerk-wad.
