POEM
It’s Not My Fault
On realising that everything is not my fault
cc-by-sa/2.0 — © Sue Adair — geograph.org.uk/p/1244305
It’s not my fault that
I don’t fit in
in this world of yours
that’s made for you.
It’s not my fault that
I cannot talk
that my words won’t fit
into peoples’ ears.
It’s not my fault that
I cannot see
what you say to me
with my speccy eyes.
It’s not my fault that
I cannot walk
in step with you
in shoes standing out.
It’s not my fault that
you don’t understand
the reason of logic
that you blame me for.
It’s not my fault that
my square head bangs
on the walls you’ve made
in this spherical world.
At the age of fifty-seven, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and started on a journey down the rabbit hole to discover what this means, about neuro-diversity and neuro-typicality, and slowly things started to click in place. I don’t know if I really have autism (Asperger’s is a form of autism), or if this matters — but I do know that I think differently from most people, and that this is fine, and that I should not beat myself up about this.
This poem I began in my head while hiking, as I started to acknowledge and release the anger that comes from fifty years of not being accepted for who I am, and the realisation that I don’t have to fit in — that I am enough as I am — and am not somehow deficient.
© Pablo St. Paul
English writer in Indonesia
