Yahweh/Jehovah
Grappling with an inconvenient faith
my convenient faith, subsequent prayer,
when trespassing; the violation of self,
I wished upon God to bless my mom,
she called upon blessings, plentiful,
that never fully registered until tonight,
now I lay here, scorned by white stars,
cast their judgments behind gray clouds,
thousands idling upon my sins,
how I’ve miss-used your forgiveness,
lies I tell myself about you, naiveness,
stomach aches, nose bleeds, seeing things,
the most sinful part of me truly believes,
an occasional ringing, red angels sing.
This is the third poem, “Yahweh/Jehovah,” from my 15th poetry collection, DESCARGA. This poem reflects on how the internal validity of my spirituality and relationship to religion (and its influence throughout my younger years) fluctuates with the passage of time. It’s a part of me that has yet to have taken an intelligible shape beyond prayers misinformed by the radio chatter of my mind that I simply cannot be without.
— Chicano poet from Southern California
