The Absolute First thing to do when planning a Wedding

So its official, the parents have graciously (or reluctantly) consented to your choice in life partner, or you have consented to theirs. You are all set to start planning your big day. But with the sheer amount of things that need to get done, and all the details that need to be figured out, the first super perplexing question staring you in your face that is- Where do you start from? The answer is quite simple actually. Let me take you through something I learned the hard way. The most important thing that you need to do right now is : Set a date. Immediately.

Whether or not you or your family believe in the alignment of stars, its super important that setting your wedding date is the first thing you do. You will be surprised to find out that your and your partner’s convenience is actually the last thing that matters in setting a date, after the more important issues of horoscopes, numerology, favourable days of the week, absolutely unfavourable days of the week, availability and pre planned travel schedules of NRI relatives, time needed by parents to sell their property, wedding dates of your best friend, possible/impending deaths of distant relatives etc are sorted out.

When it finally crosses through all this, the choices you are left with are actually scarce, and then you have to align your availability of leaves, honeymoon destinations in mind, financial planning etc into account as well. So the earlier you have this tedious process out of your way, the more organised, efficient and focussed you can be with the rest of the things that need to be done.

Remember that it will be an event that you will be celebrating for the rest of your lives (hopefully, brave new world and all needs to be accounted for). Don’t rush your decision regarding this. Choose a date that will have a higher possibility for you to be able to plan getaways/vacations later in life, a date that does not coincide with any other important event, like your or your partner’s birthday, or that of your parents (unless, well, you want it to, or there is absolutely no other option). Keep in mind public holidays and weekends and come up with options which you think make sense to you and think things through very carefully before you finalise a date.

There are a lot of things that need you to set a tentative date for your wedding as soon as things are official. Here are the most important ones:

1. The choice and availability of possible venues: Wedding venues tend to get booked months, sometimes more than a year ahead. So until you have a date figured out, it will be impossible for you to even get a tentative idea of the possible venues you would be able to consider for your wedding. If you are thinking of a summer wedding, you would need to look for indoor venue options, and for a winter wedding, you may want an outdoor venue. Every season has heavy dates and lean dates. Weekends are usually heavier than weekdays. Venues offer discounts or beef up their prices accordingly. If you are the first one to approach them for a said date, you often end up getting good discounts.
2. The number of Pre wedding events: Depending on the time you have, you will need to plan out a timeline for pre wedding functions, which in our country, are full fledged events in their own sense. If you have a long courtship ahead, you can choose to have the Roka and the Engagement in next few months, and at the time of the wedding, you can do the sangeet, mehendi and cocktail. This will space out your financial commitments too, and you will be able to budget all the events better. If you have a shorter courtship period ahead, then it makes more sense to plan everything around the wedding only, because you both as well as most guests would be able to take leaves from your respective workplaces in one go.

This one is from our Roka. It was such a bizarre ceremony with very little planning, and awkward for all of us. The only comfort was things were finally being set into motion.

3. Informing distant relatives and friends: This is actually one of the major challenges you will face while setting a date. No matter what date you come up with, there will always be a few people who would not be comfortable with it. It gets really annoying at times, but the only way out of it is to set a date as early as you can, so that people get enough time to plan their journeys, figure out their leaves etc.

4. Choosing Wedding vendors: Whether you already have a photographer or make up artist in mind, or you have to start looking for them, having a set date before starting out on these process is always a better idea. You will not only avoid unnecessary disappointments, but your vendors will also get a clearer idea of whether you will work out for them as a client.

5. Planning your Honeymoon: The most important thing about your wedding, is undoubtedly your honeymoon, when you actually embark on your journey together as partners, away from the madness of the wedding. I strongly suggest planning it in advance, and for that, again, setting a date is mandatory to be able to get an idea of flight and stay costs, viability of a destination according to the season you are getting married in and the number of days you can plan a trip for.

A shot from our honeymoon in New Zealand. This was the first thing we planned after we set our wedding date.

6. Finances: Since a wedding is a major financial investment (with very little tangible monetary returns, actually), you need to plan out your finances way in advance. Having a set date will give you more exact estimations for a tentative budget, and you can start with your process of allocation of funds, and create a sensible and streamlined budget.

7. Figuring out a tentative timeline: This is the first thing you should do after setting a date, make a tentative timeline of things to be done. You can make your own excel sheet and add month wise tasks to be completed counting down to the month of your wedding. Or you can use one of the checklists generated by various wedding websites like wedmegood, which are also pretty useful.

So, now that you know where to begin, go ahead and set that date. A little tip, remember it is your wedding, so if you already have a convenient date in mind, fight for it. You may need to resort to vile means to get your way, but believe me, it will be worth it.