The kids will be (mostly) alright, it’s the moms we have to worry about
It’s a different Mother’s Day this year.
Eva Hartling is the Founder of The Brand is Female. She wrote this article based on a a podcast conversation first aired on May 7th, 2021.
More than a year into the pandemic, we know it’s women who are bearing the brunt of COVID-19’s new normal. Around the world, women are disproportionally affected by job loss, increased responsibilities around childcare, domestic violence, belittled health concerns, and overall economic inequities; not to mention the continued systemic gender and racial bias.
Mother’s Day is a couple of days away, and I wanted to know: how will it be different this year?
To help me get some answers, I gathered a panel of accomplished women to weigh in on whether we should be pessimistic or optimistic about the issues mothers are facing today and in a post-COVID world.
The consensus? Children will be alright, mostly; it’s the moms we have to worry about.
However, we do know the pandemic has highlighted deep inequities in our system, and they are impacting youth; for example, 20% of Black children have experienced parental loss while they represent only 14% of the child population in the US; and children of colour are more likely to get COVID and die from it.
“One of the biggest changes being faced is also the most heartbreaking: in the US, it’s estimated that 40,000 young people have lost a parent due to the pandemic; meaning the celebration will have a whole different meaning to so many individuals this year,” highlights Dr. Oxiris Barbot, pediatrician and Public Health Expert who is the former Health Commissioner for the City of New York, as well as a godmother and aunt.
And for moms, what’s changed?
As it turns out, it’s both nothing and everything.
“I think part of what I’ve come to realize is that COVID has really shone a spotlight on how important it is to support the lives of women. Because without that, without women in our world, we would be nowhere, right? We’re in the workforce, but at the same time have to now be either kindergarten teachers, middle school teachers or high school teachers to kids at the same time. And so I think a lot has changed,” adds Dr. Barbot.
“And my hope is that we will, as a society, come back to our roots and recognize the importance of supporting women in their everyday lives; because making those investments means that we, as a society can be more whole, and can heal from this pandemic in a way that’s more human and grounded, and focused on what really makes a difference in the fabric of not only a family, but of our communities.”
- Dr. Oxiris Barbot
While plagued by extra duties around childcare, doing the type of labour not recognized with financial or emotional compensation, trying to juggle work and dealing with the general state of anxiety permeating everyone and everything around them; mothers are also setting the bar higher than before for themselves.
For Penny Abeywardena, Government Leader and advocate for social justice, mom to a 4-year old boy, it’s time to let go of some of that pressure.
“I think that some of the best advice I got was from a fellow mom last summer. Being at home, you’re trying to be this perfect example, and create this perfect experience for them. You know how much your kids have lost out on, they’re not interacting with their friends, is just one example. Having an only child, my son was in a New York City apartment with his mom and dad for three months until playgrounds opened sometime in the summer.
A friend of mine said, ‘you know what? He’s going to be fine, it’s you who needs to be taken care of. Your mental health, how you’re getting through the day with work, all the stress that we have going on, he’s going to be fine… take care of yourself.’ I think moms need to remember that we don’t need to be perfect, we just need to do what we need to do to survive right now. And that is going to be great for our kids.”
Many moms and families are struggling with dire economic circumstances too, which the pandemic has only heightened.
“Our country has been built on structural racism and for generations, there has been disinvestment in communities to support adequate housing, economic opportunities and good education,” says Dr. Barbot.
“All of the things that in this pandemic have made a huge difference about whether or not people have been able to weather the storm. I think one of the other studies to highlight is one that showed that 29% of Latino children and 31% of Black children live in households where there are three or more health and economic difficulties going on at the same time. And this includes some level of unemployment, not being able to keep up with the rent or the mortgage, being food-insecure and having physical or mental health issues.”
Despite these challenges, all three women I spoke to believe we should remain optimistic about the future for moms, and for our children, including Carrie Ellen Phillips, co-founder of communications agency BPCM, a mom to two young girls and two boys. Phillips is also a sustainability educator and advocate passionate about the circular economy, environmental impact and soil health, who I quizzed about the extra layer of dread brought forth by the climate crisis.
“I really truly believe that if we embrace the wisdom that comes from diversity and human beings — be that racial diversity, cultural, diversity, neurodiversity — and we protect those things and view them as a gift, and go through the same process with the land and protecting resources, protecting biodiversity; I think that we will be able to thrive. So I’m hopeful because it’s not just the activist talking about this anymore, it’s really coming into dinner table conversations. That does make me optimistic.”
“I always talk about bringing humans into balance with the planet. And this is not just an environmental issue. It’s also a social issue.”
- Carrie Ellen Phillips
Most of that optimism and positive energy, it seems, comes simply from having witnessed the strength displayed by women — and mothers — throughout this crisis.
“I would say that I remain rabidly optimistic, says Dr. Barbot. I think it’s important to be that dramatic because it is easy during these times to lose hope. But the fact that, we have seen women in all aspects of life rise to the challenge that COVID has presented, be it as heads of State or be it as running daycare centers. Like whoah, there’s a lot of power and that gives me great optimism.”
- Dr. Oxiris Barbot
“There are so many good things that we have going for us as a society and it’s that kind of hopefully new and better and more inclusive ways of addressing the multitude of emergencies that we have going on from climate change to economic insecurity, to racial reckoning, all of that coming together.
And at the end of the day, it’s our kids that we’re doing this for.”
…….
For more of this conversation, listen to the full podcast episode featuring Penny Abeywardena, Dr. Oxiris Barbot and Carrie Ellen Phillips on The Brand is Female.
