Brazen’s TEA Dialogues: My Mom’s Abortion Allowed Her to Be a Better Parent
by Karly (she/her)
My mom had an abortion when she was 21. It was 1979, and following Roe v Wade, abortions were easier to access than they ever had been before. But more notably, abortions held a harsh stigma that prevented many women from sharing their experiences, making that decision isolating and comfortless. There was even more anti-abortion rhetoric and violence in our societies culture than there is today. When I was old enough to understand, my mom told me her story. Abortion has never been stigmatized in my household. Instead my mom used her story to help my sister and I understand how critical access to abortion is. Learning about abortion from a young age shaped the way I viewed healthcare and bodily autonomy. My mom raised us to understand that her life would have been drastically different if she hadn’t gotten the procedure she needed at the time.
If my mom hadn’t had that abortion 41 years ago, my sister and I wouldn’t be here. It’s a bizarre feeling, knowing that if your parents had changed a single choice, you wouldn’t exist. My mom did what was best for her and her future family, and she hasn’t spent a single day regretting it. She made a choice — a choice that was right for her, a choice that came from her being unable to be a parent during that time, a choice that she knows she was lucky to be able to make. Not everyone has access to that option and not everyone is able to make the choices that are best for themselves and their families. A person should be free to make a choice about their own body, when they are the only one who has to live with that decision.
Abortions are normal, and they are a necessary part of reproductive health care and bodily autonomy, but stigma goes a long way in making abortions inaccessible. We grow up in a society that is so dominated by extreme anti-abortion perspectives, it’s caused conversations around abortion to be considered taboo. Informed education about abortions has remained limited. Despite one in four women having an abortion at some point in their lives, discussions in our communities, whether it be in the classroom or the media, are still not often seen. People are scared to share their personal experiences because of the stigma surrounding abortion, only further solidifying it as a taboo topic.
My mom never felt guilt after her abortion, but she did feel isolation and loneliness because of the stigma around her decision. Despite having her mother there at her side, she still felt unable to talk about the choice she made with those around her. There are still very few people that my mom has ever told about her experience. Although her story was never a secret to my sister and I — we always had an underlying understanding of the shame that unjustly came from those who were supposedly “pro-life”. Even now, all these years later, my mom feels no shame for the choice she made, but she fears those who would attack her for that decision. She’s still hesitant to share her story because of people who will attempt to admonish her for her choice. People should be free to make the decisions they want about their own body without judgment and reproach.
Negative attitudes and beliefs around abortion act as direct barriers not only to those seeking abortions, but to abortion providers, reproductive rights advocates, and our communities. Our society suffers when people face a lack of access to essential healthcare. It pushes people further into poverty, particularly those from already vulnerable marginalized and poor communities. So, let’s start talking about abortion. Incorporate it into required sex eduction throughout middle and high schools, normalize realistic representations of abortion in the media, and continue sharing our stories, because those stories are powerful. Your story, your friend’s story, my mom’s story — they show us that abortion is normal, that it’s okay, that your choice is your choice, and no one else’s opinions or beliefs should ever matter in your decision.
