Working Women and Invisible Labor at the Home
Super-women. We all know the type out there in the working world, making changes to societies with their keen senses and sharp minds. They feed their children, who they nurtured and produced from their very bodies, care for their loved ones with no withholding measure, and design their time to study, work, and create. You can probably think of one woman in your life, or maybe in the lives of those who lived through history, that became anything and everything for everyone.
She is trustworthy; she works hard; she is the at-home sojourning mother who found time between naps to squeeze in that final project of dreams. She cooked, cleaned, balanced the books, studied biology, psychology, and neurology, cared for declining parents, engaged in thoughtful conversation with her partner, and all the while, her day was never done.
Invisible labor can happen to anyone working behind the scenes, not looking up to be noticed or to receive any version of an “atta” exclamation. Women taken in captivity by invisible labor can regularly go unnoticed due to priorities placed (or received) that may dictate precedence over self.
The knowledge that women do most housework in a cis-gendered heterosexual partnership is no surprise, and for some homes, this chore distribution is expected. As generations have become more aware of the hidden labor placed on women who work, raise children, and do most of the housework, there are still ways to recognize an imbalance within the home and discover how to allocate duties in a way that works best for everyone involved.
Studies show that typically, cis-gendered heterosexual couples share household duties relatively evenly before having children. Once a child is born (or adopted), the mother often moves towards ending her employment and stays home to focus on her children’s well-being.
As days go by, the mother learns how much applesauce is too much, the exact tones the buttons on the dishwasher makes when it starts a new cycle, and she likely is aware of the quickest route to the doctor’s office. She may feel that she is more equipped to care for the home and the child because it has become routine. Haley Swenson, Ph.D., deputy director of the Better Life Lab at New America, states, “Often, couples think they are evenly sharing the load because they have some kind of division of labor…without realizing that means Mom has twenty tasks that take 18 hours a week and Dad has five tasks that take four hours a week.”
While this distribution is determined between the couple and can change based on financial needs or work shift availability, a couple working towards communication and understanding can ease the individual’s load and create a better home environment overall.
Whether you are a working mother or a stay-at-home mother, moving towards house labor equality can be essential for mental health and can be improved when using clear communication between partners.
However, it can be challenging to determine where to begin. “Women themselves often don’t realize how much they are doing,” says Jelena Kecmanovic, Ph.D., founder and director of Arlington/DC Behavior Therapy Institute, “they just find themselves always on the run, exhausted, and never having time for themselves.”
Dr. Kecmanovic suggests writing a list of every chore or housework item that fills each day of the week with attention to multitasking as we know the stigma that women are better at multi-tasking than men is not entirely true.
She then recommends creating a list of essential and sometimes neglected needs; taking a break to call or text back friends and family can provide headspace freedom. Uninterrupted time to focus on self-care or simply having a kid/dog/dinner-cooking free night to refocus the mind and learn about hobbies you may want to pursue can be essential for a woman’s creative development. Dr. Kecmanovic says. “This could help you realize how much you’re actually doing, which might allow you to become kinder to yourself.”
Next, communicate to your partner these needs and work together to find the tasks you wish to allocate effectively. Brigid Schulte, director of the Better Life Lab, focuses on the need, now during a stay-at-home pandemic more than ever, for couples to unite and become a team when allocating the home’s stressors. “It is better to address feelings upfront and acknowledge the sacrifices,” she states.
Devoting yourself to those you love is a fantastic quality to possess. Creating time for yourself gives you the freedom to give to those you love and still have the energy to thrive. You are worth it! You are not a burden for needing to lighten your load; you are human, and you deserve to be prioritized as well.
Prepared by: Mariah Manes
